Just need to vent. I realized I was trans and I have been repressing it for awhile. I told myself I wanted to start hrt by the end of the year. But I have been struggling with health issues too. To the point that I may have to go on disability and everything feels hopeless. My living situation puts me into a position where I cannot be open about who I am. Plus I met someone who I thought was a really nice person. I just wanted to be friends but they love bombed me until I gave in. Which broke my self esteem all over again. Everything just feels like too much right now and I have spent the last two days in bed in the fetal position not moving at all.
That’s really hard. I’m sorry you’re going through that. You’re not alone though, I promise. Even if you’re made to feel that way in a society/family/living situation that tells you to stay small and never change to make others comfortable, you’ve got a whole bunch of folks out here who are here for you, even if we haven’t met and maybe never will. ❤️
Keep talking about it. It’s good that you posted here. It sounds really scary and stressful and I’m sorry you’re going through it. Gender feelings are scary at the best of times, but they’ll never get better by ignoring them. If this feels like a safe space for you then maybe here can be an outlet for those feelings rather than trying to stuff them away in a box.
One thing that might be a small ray of hope here: there are a very small number contraindications / comorbidities that actually would prevent you from safely using HRT. If you are struggling with your health, it’s very unlikely that hrt will exacerbate that.
It’s okay to stay in bed and be down in your feelings. Sometimes that’s what you need. Give your body and mind time to relax and process things and come back to your problems when you’re refreshed. It’ll get better.
