Ignoring the obvious joke, she doesn’t display any of Jesus’s qualities. Is she gentle, caring, and compassionate? Does she humbly serve the poor and the disadvantaged? Does she forgive her enemies and bless those who oppose her? Does she sacrifice for the benefit of others!?
I’m a Christian and while I don’t know for certain, I believe God knows the heart. But I don’t expect to see her in Heaven…
she doesn’t display any of Jesus’s qualities
Disagree.
She has long hair. Ok, not specified in the bible, but it’s canon at this point.
Also the episode of Jesus whoring at the theatre… Wait what is this bible?
For a moment I really thought there was something in the bible that could be seen as Jesus “whoring at the theater”
If US Christians are making it up as they go and seeing whatever they wanna see in the Bible, then I call upon you, my child, to announce your submission to the Parable of Jesus the Whore of the Theater and the Christ.
I’ll wait for a good uncensored chatbot to write me a seemingly truthful story about exactly that. I wonder how many people would believe it if I just showed them
Me and Jesus await with ’bated breath.
I wonder what he’d say about fanfics concerning him
Despite Him having:
- known you’d be born in ≈2000 years
- known He was dying for sins He defined and you commit, which He also knew and did nothing to prevent
- having had the audacity to whine to His Dad when He unal*ved both a God and Himself in an act of auto‑sui‑dei‑but-also-somehow-fili‑cide-by-cop by and through the innocent hands of local law enforcement, our boys in blue, whom I still salute when I’m driving, and while those closest to Him, who were Jewish, could do nothing but listen to the moaning you are responsible for, but which He chose to endure
- been surprised that His dad forgot about Him,
I believe He’d be surprised if there weren’t Oily/Annointed/Christ Josh/Jesus fanfics of a charismatic 33-year-old, may peace be upon Him, taking it both ends, my son.
Might be in one of the Gnostic gospels.
Brawndon 6:4-7 And thus went Big J to the theatre, for Pagliacus was in town. But when the spectacle started, Jesus was overcome by the lust of whoring. And so it came to pass that he was brought to the tribunal for indecent exposure, and whoring, and petty theft and also grand theft auto, bribery, and contempt, and illegal possession of firearms, and possession and sale of drugs, and illegal possession of a dangerous animal.
Try posting it on Facebook. Your religious friends will be sharing it as hard facts by dinner.
Jesus had hair like lamb’s wool, canonically.
And olive skin
No, he was the only white guy in the middle east, as proven buy all church depictions, which are basically photographs. /s
Or are based on Cesare Borgia
I knew the guy was an alien!
She is also white, like Jesus.
True true. And also christian, like Jesus the Jew.
i’ve heard about this supply-side jesus doing miracles. she pretty much raised some dead tent there.
Jesus would’ve given handies in the cinema if he was asked.
Through the holes?
👀
MAGA Christian, which is the majority of “Christians”.
I can’t tell which part you’re replying to. Are you saying I’m MAGA!? I agree that unfortunately most “Christians” are, but I dare you to check my history…
Seems like “Christianity” and “following Jesus’ teachings, words, and example” are completely at odds. I appreciate what you are saying. Why don’t we hear Jesus Followers calling out “Christians” more vocally and often? I’d expect more of a break in the church at this point, but it seems like a fairly united front to me even now.
I have to conclude that the vast majority of Christians are fine with people being shitty as long as they identify as Christian.
There are Unitarian churches and similar places of worship that don’t allow this bigotry.
Absolutely, they’re at-odds! Church attendance is down and people like me will now walk out if the pastor/leadership starts talking about following Trump. As for why that is, I don’t know. I think people have been following money and power rather than Jesus for a while now…
Give atheism a try, you won’t regret it.
Oh common guys, that doesn’t have to be about oral sex and you know it.
It could just as well be about doggy style.
But she sucks so hard
Golf ball through a garden hose hard? If not it’s still not worth it
Soft ball through a straw
deleted by creator
she could suck start a harley
she could suck the bend out of a river
Probably not. She’s got the pursed lips of a twenty year smoker.
Wow. Way to circumvent my comment with a clever zip in the other direction. I love it.
Sigh… unzips.
She’s apparently equally strong while seated in a crowded movie theater.
This is the part that really got me. We’re all human and have our urges, no shame there. The average unknown Joe Schmoe knows to contain themselves in public - let alone a public figure with all eyes on them. What was the thought process?
It’s Bobo, friend, there is no “thought” process
The theater is dark, and she probably didn’t realize it had night vision cameras for security. Most people will also not have phones at hand, as its a rude act in a theater.
She really thought she could be an asshole because social pressure and darkness made it hard to prove she was an asshole after the fact. Its why she came out lying hard about vaping around pregnant women and somehow didn’t mention have her chest gropped and grabbing for dick around a bunch of people/kids.
She’s certainly good on her knees, but Jesus’ got nothing to do with it…
Jesus take the shaft
Catholic priests: That’s what I keep telling the alter boy!
deleted by creator
Shit like this makes me think she knows exactly what she’s doing, and she’s trying to position herself as the Sexy Nun archetype. She tries to be good but can’t help that the world sexualizes her against her will (wink). She would be ever so grateful to any strong, Christian men who might come to her aid and defend her honor from the lustful satanists.
This lady dumb as a box of hair, bless her soul…
Heard this on a podcast today:
10gal hat for a ½oz brain.
She probably thinks, in all honesty, that the average person is too stupid to understand the innuendo, and that only the clever ones will get it, like it’s some exclusive inside joke.
Only 150+ IQ people can solve this puzzle.
Must have a low IQ cause that’s one box I’m not even going to try and open.
deleted by creator
It’s all branding for all of them.
Shit like this makes me think people don’t recognize fake tweets anymore.
Fuck me. Thought this was in light of her recent shenanigans. In that case I’ll say fuck whoever cropped this without the date.
You’re correct, it’s really hard to tell nowadays, and you proved your own point. This is a real tweet, but I don’t blame you for thinking it’s satire.
So she gives good head. Woopty do.
You’re gonna have to stand on some books cuz knees too strong.
I think they tossed her from the theater before she was “driven” to her knees.
And she’s got that poofy hair so you can set your beer on her head…
I wouldn’t even expect her to be good at that. She has the same personality as those who are bad at it- arrogant, condescending, etc. The traits that make her a bad person also tend to make bad lovers.
Yeah, she’d have to kinda turn around and root down under the sheet until she could find the hole that had been cut out, and all of this without her glasses no doubt. Doesn’t make for memorable oral.
She’s cumpletely right.
i won’t believe it until she shows me
As an atheist who was raised Christian I’m torn.
On one hand, God dies not take kindly to charlatans and blowhards. On the other hand, I am of the belief that this life is all there is and shitty people like her are statistically unlikely to get some cosmic comeuppance after death
Right, that’s the thing they don’t get. Might surprise them to learn, I almost wish their beliefs were true, so that they might taste that eternal fire they wish on others for their own shitty actions and thoughts
As an atheist, I wish we could have a rapture so the rest of us could get on with our lives
Depends. Do the people they think are saved go, or is it people who actually follow Jesus’ teachings? The former would be great, but the latter would mean losing some good people.
blowhards
indeed. heh.
Sam here all around, it’s unfortunate that she won’t get punished for being a huge POS. She’s just going to live life convinced she’s some oppressed and just individual.
God dies not take kindly to charlatans and blowhards
I thought God was perfect and loved all.his children equally.
Going by what happens in this life, God seems to reward shitty people.
Idk man the Bible has God hating a lot of people. Sometimes individuals, sometimes groups.
Are we not doing phrasing anymore?! - Archer
She knew
Bobo, what the fuck are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
We’ve seen the video. You read the tweet.This woman has obviously sucked a whole bag of dicks.
In a row?
Row, column, matrix. The possibilities are endless.
Try not to suck any dicks on your way out of the theater!
Why does she have a bag of Richards, and why is she just sucking on people named Richard? Is this some Republican kink?
They really like Nixon.
Whose shots have been fired exactly?
Cum shots.
That’s not an answer to my question, captain obvious, Sir.
