Don’t use dating apps, they’re not worth your time.
If you’re a guy you’re going to be doing all of the messaging and conversational work almost all of the time.
Just go get a hobby that involves meeting up with people and something will happen organically. Also you’ll be happier and get better interpersonal skills.
But all of my hobbies are total sausage fests
But make friends with someone that has female friends.
That’s the only route in, in that case.
You see, this assumes women exist. I haven’t seen one of them in years, I’m convinced they’re extinct.
Might be worthwhile to investigate if you like sausage then…
Better start learning to like it
What are your hobbies if you don’t mind me asking?
Gay orgies
Let’s see… Video games, weeb shit, 3D printing with some dabbling in attempting to paint the prints, reading (weeb shit), occasional gym. That’s the main set
Video games: depending on the game, you can easily find a lot of women. MMOs tend to have a lot on my experience, although they tend to guild up together due to either gamer stereotypes and/or bad
experiences, so finding the guilds may by tricky. Just be nice, honest and honestly friendly, they’ll find you.Maybe try to 3d Print some anime models, paint them, put up on social media, you might even start getting requests if you finish them well enough. My GF and her friends hoard anime stickers like I used to do with magic cards as a kid.
Weeb shit: biggest Manga consumer I know is a late 20s woman with several thousand books in her personal collection. They’re out there.
Hell, even just getting out into your local pokemon go group will get you out of the house, and frankly I know more women who (still) play that than men.
Yeah anime models are what I’ve been trying to paint. But hot damn do I need more practice before I even consider showing them around
You could try Bouldering, there’s usually a lot of women and getting starting a social interaction isn’t too hard when working on a problem together
Pro tip go play volleyball. Tons of hot, fit (and usually asian) girls in tight shorts, high percentage of weeks too because of haikyuu and the men:women ration is often positive too.
Like I’m not going to say I’m drowning in pussy, but I’ve had a couple different girls ask me out who I would consider out of my league.
Yeah that’s terrible advice. Women don’t like to be hit on at the gym, it’s creepy to do it. They’re not going there to be social they’re going there for the same reason that you’re supposed to be there for your health for fitness.
Hit on people where they are in a social situation.
I never said to hit on them? Just go, be a normal social person and shit will develop naturally.
It’s how I kinda met my girlfriend and our 1 year anniversary is coming up in a few month so I must be doing something right
But we had two college classes and we’re both like “this person is so weird I should hang out with them” and we had a lot in common and eventually our friendship turned into dating
Try being on the apps for a year without a match. Really helps boost the old self esteem.
Nothing brings you back down to earth quite like dating apps.
Do young people not go places to meet new people anymore? I haven’t been single since dating apps got real popular, but I still feel most people who partner up probably aren’t meeting on the Internet.
I haven’t been single in a long time, but any time I go out there always seems to be single women looking for company, at least enough to try hitting on a dude with a ring.
Less walkable communities, less free time, and more remote work lead to isolation. Our capitalist society was not designed for meeting people, it was designed to make people work
But why are selfish millennials killing the birthrate?!
Our capitalist society was not designed for meeting people
This is strange because people that are coupled (and eventually have children) are stronger consumers than a single person.
Your thinking too long term, gotta think how will this effect this quarters earnings?
People who are actively dating also spend more money. We gotta bump those numbers up, Johnson, get the people dating and spending! Lets make a day where couples will spend money on each other.
Lets call it Valentines day, and we’ll put it in each quarter. It’ll be a hit.
I mean you say this but Tinder and all its clones don’t make their money off of people trying to get a date. They make money by pushing you to the brink of what they think you’ll tolerate to not leave the platform, but make matches scarce enough that you pay for premium placement; their goal is to sell premium service, not hook you up.
And actually getting you into a LTR is the opposite of what they want, because it removes two people from their pool.
Exactly, capitalism is all about short term profits. If you’re a publicly traded company it’s literally law
Where exactly am I supposed to meet people, the grocery store? I could go to bars but I don’t drink. People always say to join groups or meet people through hobbies but all of my hobbies are complete sausage fests. Dating people you work with is usually a bad idea but that doesn’t matter anyways because almost all of the people I work with are men. People say just meet more friends but I already have more friends than I can keep up with. Actually most of those friends are even women. But none of them are around my age, single, and interested in dating me.
I’m starting to become convinced that single women who are my age don’t actually exist. I’m not sure what bank vault the government is keeping them locked up in but it certainly isn’t anywhere I go. The dating app minefield is the only place I’ve even been able to find women who are around my age. Like I legitimately don’t know where they all go. It’s baffling. They just don’t seem to exist anywhere outside of dating apps.
I’m not trying to discount any of your feelings or experiences, I went through this same thing for years until I met my current (and first) gf; for context I was 28 when we started going out.
I hated hearing it when I was in your situation but it’s always been true for me, work on yourself and keep yourself open and things will eventually happen. I gave up trying to find a girlfriend when I was 27 after years of striking out irl and on dating apps and decided to focus on myself. I was starting a graduate program and got a cool public art opportunity through my city so I just put all my energy into that which helped me focus less on tinder and my lack of sex (kinda) . One day this girl I worked with dumped her loser boyfriend and after several failed attempts to ask her out (I’m bad at putting things down, she’s bad at picking things up) i finally had a date. Four years later and she’s begging me for a ring.
Life is tough and even harder when you don’t have someone to experience it with. Again, I don’t know your situation and I don’t want to just be another asshole saying things will get better cause I fucking hate those people when I was sad and lonely, but I genuinely do believe good things come to those who wait. Keep yourself open to new experiences and listen to your gut if it’s telling you to take a chance.
Or tell me to stfu, that’s cool too I get it and won’t be upset.
That’s actually kinda reassuring to hear because I’m 27 and I have already given up on dating for a while so hopefully I’m just following in your footsteps. Also to your sex point that one isn’t my issue because sex isn’t something I care much about anyways (ace spectrum). It would just be nice to have someone to do stuff with.
But like I said dating hasn’t been a real focus of mine for a few years now anyways. I just get reminded of it when I see threads like this.
Glad I could offer a bit of reassurance man, all the best going forward.
My parents met in their early forties, both years after first divorcing. You have a lot of time, if you just want someone to spend your later years with. Depends on what you want out of a relationship.
I mean, probably dont want to hear this but if all of your hobbies are complete sausage fests but you want to meet women organically you should try out some hobbies that women are more likely to do. Dancing classes, cooking classes, improv comedy groups, yoga, certain adult sports leagues etc. Once you have a few women friends it becomes much easier to meet more and most women would love to set up their friemds if they think you’re cool.
I mean that’s fair. But I don’t enjoy any of those things. Joining a woman dominated group that I don’t actually want to be in just so I can talk to the women there just feels like it would make me a bit of a creep.
It probably didn’t come across in my first message but I’m fine continuing to do my thing and just not date anyone. I was just pointing out that the advice “just go meet people” isn’t really helpful.
Do you dislike doing them, or do you not know and just think you wont like them? I’m asking because I’ve been in the latter experience more times than I can count and ended up liking what I was doing. If you can find something that doesn’t sound awful and you’re willing to put in a bit of effort into learning/meshing with the activity, you won’t come off like a creep who’s only there to meet women.
You never know what you’re going to like.
Plus someone has to do it, and they want to find someone just as much as you do.
I don’t want to sound critical, but it seems as if you are trying to fish from the same spots you’ve never had any luck with.
I believe when people say to meet people through hobbies, they’re typically meaning new hobbies. If you aren’t finding any suitable partners within your horizons, looking more often probably isn’t going to help. That’s a sign that it’s probably time to expand your horizons, do things you haven’t before, try something you don’t have an interest in, be uncomfortable, change your environment.
The world isn’t hiding women from you, you are hiding from the women.
The world isn’t hiding women from you, you are hiding from the women.
Psh, I ain’t hiding from women, I’m hiding from everyone
This might be a wild idea but how do you feel about asking you friends, male and female, if they know of any single women and for them to set you up on some dates? A few are bound to know someone and something might come out of it (at the very least an amusing anecdote).
Our parents used to meet at the grocery store. At church, at college, at bars, at sports events. Then we started saying we can’t do that anymore, maybe for good reasons, but at what cost?
It’s a matter of perceived convenience and a low threshold I guess. A dating app needs you to be strong and put yourself out there once and after that you’re automatically presenting yourself to possible partners indefinitely. And you can do it from home. Less work, less anxiety, basically no effect when getting rejected because you don’t even know.
Pretty much all of the dating apps are owned by the same company and they’re all a scam. They want your to pay to subscribe and then pay to boost your account or they’re otherwise practically useless.
Thousands of potential matches took one look and realized you were too amazing for them to have a chance, decided they’d rather swipe left than be swiped left on, or see the disappointment in your eyes when you met.
I’m tall, attractive, have a great job and own a house, and I still don’t get matches. Once I gave up and started looking in real life I didn’t have a problem.
I don’t trust apps because they have a vested interest in keeping you swiping.
Also, there is a culture of not being satisfied. It’s kinda like a gambling. “This one is nice, but maybe I can do better” and people keep rolling through people they would be good with, because they’re looking for perfection. There are so many offers after all and besides, it works in the movies and the television series! There must be that one perfect soulmate and nothing else can be there in this world.
I think xkcd did a “what if” about finding your soulmate. from what I remember, if you were on a conveyor belt, seeing ten people a second, and you’d know your soulmate the instant you set eyes on them, it would take 20 years on average to find them.
edit: my numbers were a little off. here is the actual page
Does that take into account that the time it takes might decrease for your age cohort, gradually? Because eventually, some people die, some already find theirs, eliminating them from the soul mate-o-matcher pool…
I’d say it’s not even delusional thinking like that. It’s “all I have to go by is a picture and a description, and nothing stands out to me.” Add in the existing heavy weight in availability in one direction for women looking for men and you get a situation where a catch is meh.
The best trick to getting dates in my experience has been to make people who could be attracted to you feel good when they’re around you. No tinder profile will make you feel good.
Imagine how many matches a good looking girl gets. It’s not even like this can’t be true, because they can literally go through thousands of matches. And since you just see the photos and profile they can pretty much filter everything out that doesn’t fit a high standard. That’s literally the system of apps like this. Why settle for some average guy, who might or might not be nice, when they have tons of above average looking people to choose from?
Not that it’s impossible for average guys on those apps, but the chances are just low because of those facts, as even average girls will have so much more matches than them. One can try, if they dare. But I’d stick to something like local interest groups. At least that gives you some sort of basis / topic to learn to know each other, without immediately going for the goal of finding your dream partner. And even if that doesn’t turn out to be more, you could still end up making some good friends, which is also a very healthy thing that a lot of people need.
5’7" for fail units.
Literally just a bit under average height unless anon is Dutch or something.
OP is single because he’s an absurdly large hobbit
He also has big hairy feet
I’ve always found to have more luck on dating sites like Plenty of Fish and OKcupid than I do on the more modern dating apps.
I don’t know if any of them do this today, but I really liked the ones that had personality quizzes and matched people to you via personal compatibility.
Those personality tests netted me several relationships and 2 consecutive marriages.
To me, I see that as highly effective.
I want one based of Spotify recommendations.
That’s actually a really good idea.
You can tell a lot about a person by the flavor of their earworms.
Yummy
There is one that does that but its mostly focused towards alt/goth/metal people.
Interesting.
OkCupid is terrible, it’s basically just Tinder at this point, in fact the literally all owned by the same company anyway.
That’s really sad to hear. It was a uniquely user driven platform back in the day.
Its fall was like when pre-2023 Reddit became modern Reddit.
What’s khv?
Kissless, handhold-less, virgin
And he’s worried about that at 19? Gotta bump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers. Wait until you’re 40 and in the same boat.
Kissless, Hugless, Virgin or Kissless, Handhold-less, Virgin. (Khhv = kissless, hugless, handhold-less, virgin)
I lost my virginity with 17. They need to learn some patience because finding people just gets worse the older you get and 19 is still way too young to radicalize themselves into some sort of incel. For Americans, half of them lose their virginity between 16-20 years, with 90% of them until they’re 22, so if he’s 19 then he’s still completely in the average statistics. And if he doesn’t manage to find a girlfriend by his 30s, then it’s very likely not his looks that are the issue here.
maybe try using pics of yourself instead of your online char, anon
anon is identified by pepe, maybe anon is the real pepe
Yeah it’s not easy. And it sucks to have to market yourself like a product.
Find groups that meet and have your interests.
There’s a reason none of these sites/apps share data anymore. It was way too depressing.
