Fuck, I can’t even get a hug or affection from my SO without cringing sometimes because I wasn’t really hugged as a kid
My family gave me zero physical contact or attention. And my dad actually did the whole “men don’t cry” or other toxic traits.
My wife spent years ensuring I get hugged three times a day. And only after like a decade of marriage did I finally feel comfortable with her hugs.
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Sometimes I get hugged and I feel like someone is exploiting my need for affection so I immediately reject it. I am not normal.
I work with a lot of 20-30yo and give them compliments like “Hey you did a great job” and in that first few months, they always respond negatively.
It takes a while but I continue showing them care and affection, until they break out of their shell, which makes me happy. Because in all the toxicity of everything around us, I try to at least make work a pleasant experience.
The first one.
Next level:
Knowing times when you absolutely need a hug and, since your SO tells you that they want affection, you go get one; only to leave the ordeal not feeling any better at all.
Maybe the SO does? sigh
Anyone looking for more information can find this as emotional neglect. There are a few books on it, I recommend Running on Empty by Jonice Webb
No but I’ve got six toaes on one foot that’s gotta count for something right
The second one.
Not much from my parents, but I was a big outcast in elementary and middle school so when anyone that is not foreign treats me like a human when I show my real personality, it feels a bit sus…
It is arguably ‘normal’ in our society to have at least one emotionally unavailable parent. But that doesn’t make it any less sad.
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