mortimer

Freelance Subversive

media-underground.net

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Joined 9 months ago
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Cake day: August 7th, 2024

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  • mortimertoNo Stupid QuestionsDo you use your blinker in a car?
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    13 days ago

    I use them all the time. Pisses me off when other road users don’t. They’re called indicators here in the UK and apparently if you pass an advanced driving test and get an advanced licence you don’t have to use them all the time, particularly if there’s no-one around to see them. Advanced courses are about thinking rather than being on autopilot, and so indicating out of habit suggests you’re not paying attention to what’s going on around you.


  • Aye, it’s a fucking shit show alright. Hide the cables behind some low wooden shelves under the TV and put all the devices on those shelves (drill holes in the back of the shelves for the cables to go through). Otherwise stick that big black hairy god-awful pimp carpet over the whole lot of it and velcro it to the wall. Also, you need to get a good plasterer. That back wall is a fucking disgrace.









  • Here at ‘Bumpkin Watch’ our investigative journalist team have uncovered the real reason why weirdy-trimmed-beardy JD Vance uses his initials rather than either of his actual forenames. At first we just assumed it was some kind of a hillbilly thing like being called Gomer, Cletus or Booger, but it actually turns out it’s because his real name is even more shit than any of those.

    Vance, whose parents were siblings, was actually christened Jebediah Doofus on August 3rd, 1984 by his mentally ill mother, Trixie-Bob, at the Middletown Confessional Calvinist Church, Ohio after she escaped from the local mental institute with the one day old nipper.

    His father, Goober Charles Jnr (renowned crystal meth manufacturer and three time near miss KKK Grand Wizard) passed away eight months earlier in what has only been described in the local ‘Middletown Gazette’ as “a freak washing machine accident”. According to sources, Goober, “was at the local laundromat” and “got his frayed neckerchief caught in the machine’s drive belt during its spin cycle”. Apparently he had been “raking for loose change through a removed rear panel”.

    Initially christened with the surname Bomen, his mother changed it to Reynolds when she married her sixth husband and uncle, Herschel Beauregard “Burt” Reynolds III.

    Quite where he got the surname Vance from has remained a mystery for many years, however, having recently tracked down his old juvenile detention buddy Virgil Buford, we can confirm that he adopted it from the famous UK Radio One disc jockey and heavy metal enthusiast, Tommy Vance, whom JD had become enamoured with during his early years. Sources have disclosed that he used to tune in to his step father’s portable shortwave radio every Friday night during Uncle Herschel’s weekly weekend “fishing” trips, although Buford did remark that “the only fishing Ol’ Burt ever got up to was for some well worn pussy.”

    “I can’t believe he’s got to where he is today,” Buford added, “to start from such humble beginnings and end up third in command of the country under Elon is one hellava achievement.”

    https://txt.fyi/0bca2ba9a9f78be5






  • Dogs are way more smarter than we give them credit for. They are the only animal that has been able to establish a relationship with humans to such a close degree, having evolved alongside us for tens of thousands of years.

    I don’t look at my dog Rocket as my pet, but rather as my best friend whom I rely on daily.

    A while ago I didn’t want him to get overly excited when I said the word “walk”, so I started spelling it out instead. Didn’t take him long to figure out it was the same thing.

    It’s not just a monologue either. He responds in ways that have subtle differences depending on how you say something and the intonation of what is said.

    No other animal has even come close to creating such a close co-existence with humans. I’d go so far as to say they are better than most humans. People can be wankers, but a good dog will always have your back if treated with kindness and respect.