Thanks for the sympathy- my mom hasn’t been very emotionally stable for my whole life. She’s not perfect and sometimes I think she’s wrong, but I know she loves and cares about me
I read a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. My mom is similar, and it gave me a lot of insight into why she behaves the way she does, and how I may have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms as a result. Highly recommend.
You should at least recognize that you’re holding a double standard here: she’s able to criticize you all she wants yet you know she cares and loves you, but it’s hard for you to criticize her because you care.
That kind of double standard is an unhealthy dynamic that hurts both of you and your relationship with each other. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it was either of your intent for it to be that way, but it has ended up that way regardless of best efforts.
Oh, just because someone is abusive or unsupportive doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. It just means that their interactions aren’t healthy for you and you need to establish boundaries.
Regardless, I hope that you’re doing well. I don’t know what your project is, but I can certainly tell you that it’s much more impressive than anything I’ve made
That’s true, but I feel like the internet is quick to brand people having moments of failure as abusive. Nobody is perfect, and I can’t expect my parents to be perfect. Imo, calling my mom abusive is far too extreme.
Well, and anybody can say or do things that are abusive.
Different people have different levels of tolerance for abusive behavior. The question is, when does it go from, “a person prone to occasional abusive bullshit” to “a person in the habit of committing acts of abuse”?
It’s a lot like addiction in the sense that it’s a sliding scale, but people largely outside of it will freely brand the slightest hint as a full blown catastrophe.
Yes, in this world there is no one who wants what is good for you more than your parents. Many people forget that, if your parents have problems, you need to take care of them.
True, parents usually have a deeply ingrained emotional need to protect and nurture their children but:
Not all parents do. Narcissists have children all the time. When they do, they cloak their emotional vampirism in ‘love’ like they do in all relationships.
Even parents with the best intentions have to work HARD not to pass on their generational traumas, abuses, and bad habits.
Only the child can truly know what will fulfill them as a person. Parents often substitute what they wanted for their younger selves for the child’s best interest.
For those still thinking I have no idea what I am talking about and you and your parents are different… please look into “enmeshment” for your own sake
I agree with you on the first one. There are parents who do not deserve to be called parents, and they should be punished.(It’s too complicated to discuss in a paragraph, each case alone, and the future effects on the child…). We live in a sick society. In the case of the OP, it is simple,this is not necessary, and his only task is to take care of his mother to not repeat the mistakes of his parents in the future to break the loop. But I don’t agree with the last one, children don’t know exactly what they want (we the adults don’t know what we want sometimes let alone children) but parents should respect their opinions and guide them and teach them how to make the right decision instead of making the decision for them. Have a good day.
Homie I’m sorry that happened.
You might want to do some research on:
This is what I wish someone else told me.
Good luck on your journey
Thanks for the sympathy- my mom hasn’t been very emotionally stable for my whole life. She’s not perfect and sometimes I think she’s wrong, but I know she loves and cares about me
I read a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. My mom is similar, and it gave me a lot of insight into why she behaves the way she does, and how I may have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms as a result. Highly recommend.
I’ll look at it- I care about my mom a ton so it’s hard for me to criticize her. But, I also understand sometimes she doesn’t act in a supportive way
You should at least recognize that you’re holding a double standard here: she’s able to criticize you all she wants yet you know she cares and loves you, but it’s hard for you to criticize her because you care.
That kind of double standard is an unhealthy dynamic that hurts both of you and your relationship with each other. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it was either of your intent for it to be that way, but it has ended up that way regardless of best efforts.
Oh, just because someone is abusive or unsupportive doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. It just means that their interactions aren’t healthy for you and you need to establish boundaries.
Regardless, I hope that you’re doing well. I don’t know what your project is, but I can certainly tell you that it’s much more impressive than anything I’ve made
That’s true, but I feel like the internet is quick to brand people having moments of failure as abusive. Nobody is perfect, and I can’t expect my parents to be perfect. Imo, calling my mom abusive is far too extreme.
Well, and anybody can say or do things that are abusive.
Different people have different levels of tolerance for abusive behavior. The question is, when does it go from, “a person prone to occasional abusive bullshit” to “a person in the habit of committing acts of abuse”?
It’s a lot like addiction in the sense that it’s a sliding scale, but people largely outside of it will freely brand the slightest hint as a full blown catastrophe.
Yes, in this world there is no one who wants what is good for you more than your parents. Many people forget that, if your parents have problems, you need to take care of them.
I don’t agree with this in all cases.
True, parents usually have a deeply ingrained emotional need to protect and nurture their children but:
For those still thinking I have no idea what I am talking about and you and your parents are different… please look into “enmeshment” for your own sake
I agree with you on the first one. There are parents who do not deserve to be called parents, and they should be punished.(It’s too complicated to discuss in a paragraph, each case alone, and the future effects on the child…). We live in a sick society. In the case of the OP, it is simple,this is not necessary, and his only task is to take care of his mother to not repeat the mistakes of his parents in the future to break the loop. But I don’t agree with the last one, children don’t know exactly what they want (we the adults don’t know what we want sometimes let alone children) but parents should respect their opinions and guide them and teach them how to make the right decision instead of making the decision for them. Have a good day.
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