Im introverted and have always enjoyed my solitude. Some people have complained that I don’t talk much, which is true, I don’t need to talk to feel good.
After changing workplaces, I decided to be proactive and introduce myself to my new coworkers. I was friendly and did it properly: my name, smiley face and what I do, eager to help them.
Some of them are friendly, greet back when I greet, but jesus christ, others outright avoid even eye contact with me like the plague, even though I kept greeting them for at least 2 more days.
Now I’ve returned the favor and I ignore them, not even asking them to do anything for me because last time I did, one of them said she would take a batch of documents to a nearby department but then outright ignored it and I had to do it myself.
It’s also a bit funny: 2 coworkers that the first day had small but normal conversations with me now look elsewhere when they see me… and I give them back the same treatment. Childish and petty? extremely, but I ask you: what should I do?
Introverted me says: what were you expecting? This is what people are, don’t bother trying to be extroverted, see what this brought you, return to your introverted self, do your job and go home, but this might sabotage me.
I confess neither do I know how to react when people are friendly when I’m talking to a coworker they like but the moment this coworker leaves, they turn to a mute.
To me, those of you who can play this silly workplace theater so well are geniuses. I cannot fake that a boring person interests me, nor can I fake respect for a person who treats me like I described.
I’d like to read your feedback.
I don’t know if you have a techical mindset, but think of this formally.
Let’s say we have individuals A, B, C, and D, where you are A. Maybe you can learn things about B, C, and D, but what you’re really interested in is the pairwise behavior: (A,B), (A,C), (A,D). Because B may behave differently with A than they may with C.
But B may also behave differently if D is present. So the behavior of B in the setting (A,B) is going to be different than in the setting (A, B, D). Imagine that D is the workplace manager, and you can see why.
However, professional and personal context will also play a role. Think of professional contexts a = in a work meeting, b = at work but in the cafeteria for lunch, c = in the parking lot on the way home. Think of personal contexts x = a loved one is terminally ill at home, y = their neighbors initiated a lawsuit against them, z = their sibling just had a child. In each individual’s case, they will react differently to those personal and professional contexts.
Finally, all of this is “noisy”, meaning each individual is working with limited information, and likely to misunderstand why a given person is acting the way they are. So imagine the setting (B, D) where B knows that D is going through a messy divorce. Compare it to (B, D) where B thinks that D is just annoying. Clearly this will change the behavior of B, and therefore of the interaction.
All of this may seem overwhelming, but in fact it’s fascinating. @[email protected] recommended “just follow basic social norms” and that’s great advice. Cultivate a baseline way to act professionally, accept that you may never really know why someone acts the way they do, and take a detached but interested approach to the complexities of human interaction.
I enjoyed reading your post, but Im the laziest sob to ever walk on earth and while I can promise to pay attention, I don’t believe I’m gonna follow through.