…ideally one that was both genuine and that you had the confidence and self awareness to interpret as kind. And for bonus points, what’s one you’ve given?
I’m thinking back to the guy in group therapy years ago who told me he always thought of people who swore as not knowing any better words, but that I obviously knew better words and just also swore and even used them artistically and that’s just really stuck with me. Sometimes I wonder how much of my self esteem has suffered not just because I’ve been told not to brag, but also because I’m extremely weird so the compliments I do receive often reflect that.
My bonus one (and I’m not sure how well he was able to take it) was that one of my fellow psych nurses was frequently and obviously terrified any time shit hit the fan, but that somehow still he’d never once failed to have my back. He’d be stuttering the whole way through an incident but I’d walk out of the med room with both halves of a B52 and he’d take one of the syringes without a second thought. He was literally the epitome of “courage isn’t not being scared, it’s being willing to face it.” I should find a nice presentation of that quote somewhere to send him because I’m not sure I phrased it well at the time.
“…uh…n…n…nice shoes!”
I had seen this gentleman cleaning the floor near the bathrooms at a school district where I was working as a substitute at their district office one day. He looked like he was working up the courage to say something as I entered, but I really had to go.
When I walked out, he was at the end of the hallway, and as I was passing him, he said “…uh…n…n…nice shoes!”. I was wearing a pair of well-worn sneakers, the exact opposite of nice shoes. I just said, “…thanks…?” with a puzzled look on my face, turned the corner, and never saw him again.
Upon reflection, my best guess was that he was an individual with an intellectual disability and that his case worker (or therapist or family member or something) had been trying to help him overcome his shyness and become more social by giving someone a compliment, and that resulted in him mustering up the courage to tell me I had nice shoes.
In the moment, a VERY weird interaction. But he was being genuine, and I feel bad now about not showing him I appreciated his kind words.