In an unprecedented move, 13-year-old Brandon “Tired Bones” Hayden announced yesterday that he will be stepping down from his longstanding position as Commander and Chief of Chores. Citing reasons of fatigue, mental decline, and bad golf scores. Brandon does not have the power to appoint his successor but since he only has one sibling, his 10 year old sister Carmella is the only logical choice given such short notice.

The decision came after months of speculation and whispers around the dinner table about Brandon’s ability to maintain the rigorous standards of chore duty established during his tenure. Neighbors and family members alike have noted his frequent confusion, increase in naps and tendency to stare blankly at the wall.

Carmella, who has been serving as the backup chores officer, expressed her readiness to take on the new role. “I’ve been in training for years,” she said “I know I have some orthopedic shoes to fill, but I’m confident I can make our household clean again.”

Read the rest of this satire news article and more at TattletaleTimes.com

  • magnetosphere
    link
    fedilink
    21 month ago

    Whoever did it is absolutely terrible or simply careless. I’m lousy at Photoshop, but even I know how to blur something so it matches the sharpness of objects around it.

    • @SpaceNoodle
      link
      English
      -2
      edit-2
      1 month ago

      They’re clearly too cheap to pay any sort of artist.

      • Tattletale TimesOP
        link
        English
        111 month ago

        dude i run this website by myself as a side hobby and google adsense doesn’t come close to covering the monthly web hosting so i am definitely too cheap to pay an artist at this point. I’d love to pay an artist someday if it were to make money

        • @SpaceNoodle
          link
          English
          -131 month ago

          Good luck with that. It comes off as a less-funny version of the Babylon Bee; maybe you’d be better off partnering with their tier of advertisers.

          • @glimse
            link
            English
            131 month ago

            Babylonbee is satire for conservatives. This is satire for parents

            It’s ok if you don’t like it but why be a dick about it?

            • Tattletale TimesOP
              link
              English
              81 month ago

              thanks, ya I actually set out for this site to be clean, apolitical satire about kids and parenting. a friend suggested this idea for an article and while i’m personally liberal, i can see humor in both sides. I by no means means aspire to be like babylon bee. There is, unfortunately, a ton of negativity in this sub dedicated to humor.

              • @glimse
                link
                English
                61 month ago

                Screw that guy lol

                I’m not even a parent and I appreciate your posts. I send them to my dad friends

            • @SpaceNoodle
              link
              English
              -111 month ago

              This is me being polite about it.

                • @SpaceNoodle
                  link
                  English
                  -7
                  edit-2
                  1 month ago

                  Sure, Jan.

                  Edit: wait, that’s OP’s alt account! Explains a lot.

                  • Tattletale TimesOP
                    link
                    English
                    51 month ago

                    Great detective work, you found my wife’s account. Get a life

                  • @Notthemama
                    link
                    English
                    31 month ago

                    Lol. That’s funny you took the time to check my account. I’m his wife. I stand by my assholery comment.