I’ve had hemorrhoids for like 25 years, so I’ve always been very discerning about my toilet paper.

this entire time, I’ve been using whatever toilet paper I have found to be the softest as facial tissue, to blow my nose, as well. my reasoning being, if this stuff is gentle enough for my hemorrhoids, of course it’s going to be gentle enough for repeated use on my upper lip.

then, a friend turns me on to one of those new “with lotion” facial tissues (my bathroom tissue always has aloe in it) and wouldn’t you know it, my upper lip finds it to be softer than the toilet paper. but, when I try using it as toilet paper, my anus doesn’t find it to be less irritating than the toilet paper.

why do my butthole and my upper lip think that different things are softer? is it just chemistry?

  • @HeyThisIsntTheYMCA
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    32 hours ago

    cold, cheap bidets in the guest baths, expensive warm bidets in the master bath.

    • @angrystego
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      32 hours ago

      There are also cheap specialized squishy water bottles with little shower-like hooked ending that can be used as a bidet if you don’t want to bother with insalling a real one.

      • @HeyThisIsntTheYMCA
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        22 hours ago

        it takes 15 minutes, $20 for all the parts, a t splitter, a wrench and teflon tape to install a bum hose if you’re that hard up