WASHINGTON—With cortisol levels spiking to all-time highs, the stressed-out U.S. populace reportedly asked former President Barack Obama on Tuesday if it could bum 340 million cigarettes. “Hey, man, if we could have one, or maybe 340 million, that would be great,” Americans across the country said as they paced tensely around their homes, continuously refreshed their […]
  • @Lost_My_MindEnglish
    31•1 day ago

    FINALLY an Onion article headline I can laugh at, rather than having an immediate feeling of doom and dread.