My dad is an asshole. He’s controlling. He wants everything his way. He wants you to be dependant on him. He’ll accomplish this by sabotaging you, and any life progress you’ve made.
He had a seizure. He fell down, and he banged his head on a table at a laundromat.
He was in the hospital for 2 months. He had a heart attack 3 weeks after the seizure, and required double bypass surgury. He would have been released 3 days later, until he had the heart attack. So his total time in the hospital was 2 months instead of 3 weeks.
I was there. Every day he was in the hospital. I was there. He complained about how terrible the hospital food was. I brought him freah fruit straight from the market. I cooked him a daily meal. I approved everything wish his doctors.
He doesn’t remember that. He has no memory of his hospital stay. When he came out of the hospital, we BEGGED him to stay with his mother for a few weeks. He had lost use of one of his eyes. He had no balance. And his mom lived in a building made for the elderly. My aunt at the time semi lived there, taking care of my grandma. So to take care of him too would be no problem. Plus, there was no stairs. He could barely move two feet without wobbling.
But he demanded to go home. He yelled at me for trying to help him. He wouldn’t let my aunt into his house to cook him meals. He wouldn’t let me in to help with cleaning and laundry. He pushed us all out. I reminded him that we’ve been helping him for months. He argued that we hadn’t. I told him “I’ve visited you every day before work. I’ve brought you meals. I’ve brought you a rotating set of clean clothes. Why do you think you had a laundry basket in your hospital room?”
And his response…“Well who asked you to do THAT?”
That was the moment that really hurt. The moment when all you want to do is help, but you’re being insulted for your efforts. To know none of it was appriciated. And that no further efforts would be appriciated.
My point in response to what you said is, sometimes we want to help those in our life, but they’ll insist they know best. Even when their mental capacity is diminished. Even though it hurts, sometimes all you can do is wash your hands of the situation.
Too many friends and distant family, from marginalized communities telling me “They don’t mean me, I am a legal American citizen”
My dad is an asshole. He’s controlling. He wants everything his way. He wants you to be dependant on him. He’ll accomplish this by sabotaging you, and any life progress you’ve made.
He had a seizure. He fell down, and he banged his head on a table at a laundromat.
He was in the hospital for 2 months. He had a heart attack 3 weeks after the seizure, and required double bypass surgury. He would have been released 3 days later, until he had the heart attack. So his total time in the hospital was 2 months instead of 3 weeks.
I was there. Every day he was in the hospital. I was there. He complained about how terrible the hospital food was. I brought him freah fruit straight from the market. I cooked him a daily meal. I approved everything wish his doctors.
He doesn’t remember that. He has no memory of his hospital stay. When he came out of the hospital, we BEGGED him to stay with his mother for a few weeks. He had lost use of one of his eyes. He had no balance. And his mom lived in a building made for the elderly. My aunt at the time semi lived there, taking care of my grandma. So to take care of him too would be no problem. Plus, there was no stairs. He could barely move two feet without wobbling.
But he demanded to go home. He yelled at me for trying to help him. He wouldn’t let my aunt into his house to cook him meals. He wouldn’t let me in to help with cleaning and laundry. He pushed us all out. I reminded him that we’ve been helping him for months. He argued that we hadn’t. I told him “I’ve visited you every day before work. I’ve brought you meals. I’ve brought you a rotating set of clean clothes. Why do you think you had a laundry basket in your hospital room?”
And his response…“Well who asked you to do THAT?”
That was the moment that really hurt. The moment when all you want to do is help, but you’re being insulted for your efforts. To know none of it was appriciated. And that no further efforts would be appriciated.
My point in response to what you said is, sometimes we want to help those in our life, but they’ll insist they know best. Even when their mental capacity is diminished. Even though it hurts, sometimes all you can do is wash your hands of the situation.
Godamn this is sad.
A lot of this reminds me of my dad, down to the non functioning eye due to stroke. He’s an asshole, controlling, etc, but not quite this bad.
I really do hope you’re able to make peace with this if you haven’t already.