Aunt: I’m going to Walmart, do you need anything?
Me: no thanks, I’m going there later to do some shopping myself
Aunt: But we could combine trips! It’s wasteful to both drive there on the same day! The responsible thing to do—
Me: ok, I give up. Please get me cat litter and cat snacks.
Aunt: Ok!!! :)) Which ones? And what isle? What color is the package—
Me: exasperated Are you serious? I caved and gave you what you wanted. Now you’re asking for more information? I told you I wanted to do my own shopping, and you fought me on it. I’m making a peace offering by giving you two items to buy for me, and you’re saying I need to go find the names and package colors and isle numbers? Please just be satisfied with what I gave you.
The thing that she wants is to feel good about buying me something. But I don’t want that. That’s the disagreement.
I imagine most people would see me as the asshole here: she can’t buy the right item if I don’t tell her what it is. But I clearly don’t care about those details; if I wanted something specific I would have told her that. The only reason I mentioned them was to appease her. I’m giving her something she wanted, something I wanted for myself, and she’s demanding more.
You should have just said you didn’t care about the details. It’s Christmas and you are being a dick. “I give up” and the rant just makes it seem like pure snark. You should learn to communicate without being mean about it.
Doing two separate trips is dumb and when she offered to just do it for you, you were an ass about it. Judging by your other comments, I don’t think you are looking for real insight here though.
Why “should” I have offered more detail, when I didn’t care about the details? I was already caving and giving her something she wanted, something that directly conflicted with what I wanted. And I did it politely. I didn’t “rant” until she asked for something more, after I already conceded. This isn’t a gotcha. I’m asking for your input here. Why am I a jerk for not giving more, when I already caved?
Stating that you don’t care about the details is all you had to do. She asked you a completely logical followup question. She was trying to do you a favor. Yes, you are the jerk here.
Why do I “have” to give that much info? Why doesn’t she “have” to understand from context that those details aren’t important? It seems like you’re putting the social responsibility of her understanding on me and I’m confused as to why.
Also, and not to be rude, I wasn’t asking you for details, I was asking Grimy. Sorry. Their answer is important to me.
What context is there for her to draw from?
She asked you as simple question that had a simple answer. You spent more time getting angry than you would have just answering the question. It was a very reasonable question for her to ask. This is a normal interaction between two people. You are the one being unreasonable, if your explanation of events is accurate.
You’re posting in a public forum. Would it have been more palatable to you if I had posted it as a top-level reply, instead?
You don’t “have” to do anything but being respectful in how you communicate is literally the minimum. People can’t guess what you’re thinking and if this is the attitude you want to project on the world, you will be here often asking if you are a jerk. You didn’t “have” to be a dick either.
Act like an adult and apologize. Don’t be snarky with your own family.