Not saying that this is the only cause of divorce, or even the leading cause. I’m just saying that there are a lot of women out there who romanticise the wedding itself. Almost like the relationship, the wedding itself, is irrelevant.
Which totally misses the conceptual point of getting married in the first place. Some women just like the idea of having a big party, with all their friends and family, making them the center of attention for a day.
Which is FINE. If women want to have that happen, I feel like maybe we SHOULD make that a whole seperate other thing. Like a new holiday or maybe we combine the concept with their birthday.
It’s just the concept we have now, the average wedding from the time the man thinks “I’m going to marry her” all the way through the first day they get back from their honeymoon…that entire process costs an average of $100,000. From the dress, to the ring, to the hall rental, to the wedding planner, to the catering, to the flight, and hotel, and rental car, and everything else that comes with the wedding, average cost is $100,000.
And the second you call anything a “wedding” anything, it skyrockets in price. Want a cake? Ok, sure, $30. Want a “wedding cake”? Yeah, $250.
You want a big poofy white dress? Hey is this a wedding dress? No. This is a wedding dress replica. It’s being used to shoot a wedding scene in an independant movie. We’re just buying the material. Yeah, ok. $70.
Oh, this dress is actually in a wedding? $2,000.
And I know this just seems like I’m just complaining about money. But it all ties together. Because if you ask most women what they dream about when they think about their dream wedding, they have this long list of things, and everything needs to be perfect, and the planning itself, the wedding party and appearance becomes an extention of themselves. If this is the womans first wedding, it really becomes a mirror of who they are are a person. This is why you should NEVER trust a guy with the wedding planning. At all. Unless you’re willing to give up total control. Instead of your favorite flowers creating an arch that you walk under to get into the building? What if we instead had flame throwers that CONSTANTLY spewed flames which prevented you from getting in. And to stop the flames, you need to answer 3 riddles about the couple getting married. And if you get it wrong, a bunch of royal knights in platemail armor stab you with haberts until you get it right…or bleed out. And once you get inside the hall, all the hall vendors are cosplaying as classic pro wrestlers. Imagine coming in, and seeing Macho Man Randy Savage holding a plate of cheeses, and saying “OOOOH YEAH! TRY THE SWISS, IT’S AS GOOD AS MISS!!! ELIZABETH THAT IS! OR TRY THE CHEDDER! IT’LL KNOCK YOU OUT OF YOUR SWEATER!!! DIG IT!!!” Then he snaps into a slim jim.
See to me, that sounds awesome, and just as expensive as whatever the fuck would have been planned otherwise. But I also realize every woman who’s in the current process of planning a wedding, read what I just wrote how I’d plan it, and they physically recoiled in cringe. And you’re remembering that last week you asked your boyfriend what he wants at the wedding. And he said “whatever you want”. And you tried to fight him about it, saying he needs to include his ideas.
No the fuck he doesn’t. THESE are the ideas we create, and we know they aren’t going to happen. Our ideas are not “good” from your perspective. Our ideas will cause fights. Because at the end of the day, you already know exactly what you want. You’ve been planning it since you were 5 years old, and you don’t need any input from us. We’re just going to screw it up. You just want to ask what we envision at the wedding, and you’re under the delusional idea that we’re going to say “White roses on every table, and all the groomsmen have green pockets on their suit vests.” Or whatever the fuck is in your head. We’re not going to say that. We’ve never in our lives had THAT vision. We know the wedding is going to look like how you want it to look. So we just say “Whatever you want to do, that’s it.” We stay out of it, because we don’t want to start a fight over something we know we’re going to lose anyways. That’s a dumb fight. Telling a woman how to plan their wedding.
Well. I’m a dumb guy. Let me have a go.
The reason a decent percentage of these weddings end the relationships is because the money involved has no benefit to the couples long term happyness, and adds nothing to their lives. It’s a big expensive party for the sake of a big expensive party. Nothing more.
And I hear you saying “But it’s to celebrate the love between two people, and create a bond that will last a lifetime!”
No. Believe it or not, you can get married without all that stuff. The whole idea of a marriage, if you simplify it to it’s core concept, is that you both have signed a paper informing the government that you are now a legalized couple within the country of residence that you got married. That’s IT. You can both go down to the courthouse right now, fill out a form, sign it, and now you’re married. I don’t know what those forms cost, but I would assume about $100. And then you’d both go home to where you already live.
So you’re saying “That sounds like a terrible wedding”. And the issue here is, you’re confusing the wedding PARTY with the idea of MARRIAGE.
So if you get proposed to, ask yourself this. Would you still marry this man if he insisted there were no party. No flowers. No big hall. No poofy white dress, no dancing, no family or friends, no big cake, no big vacation afterwards. Just you, him, city hall, a pen, and a form. Maybe a minister if the idea of religion is important to your marriage.
If you are in love with the person you’re marrying, it might be disappointing, but it shouldn’t be a deal breaker. If it’s a deal breaker, you don’t love the man. You love the idea of being the center of attention. And that, plus the huge amount of savings you’re blowing, is the reason for the divorces. The party has ended. The party has brought you hard financial times, and you were never in love with the person to begin with. So now, they have nothing left to offer you.
Again, I’m not claiming this is the only reason, or even the leading reason for divorce. I’m just saying it’s a significant percentage.
This fails to consider the insane amount of psychological conditioning most societies impose on women to get married. Its so prevalent as to be assumed the natural progression of the lives of nearly everyone.
Yes, it is always somebody’s else’s fault. 🙄
People are responsible for the consequences of their actions. Not anyone else.
Yes, pay no mind to all these social pressures. Everything is your own fault.
You are talking utter rubbish, at least in the terms of western society. Nobody force women to marry these days.
Do you just consume no media? Did you miss that one of the biggest media companies on Earth has a happy line of never ending princesses to get married?
Are you so weak minded that Disney controls you more than your own mind? Lol
People are products of their environment. We encode what we intake. You are no exception. Keep gas lighting yourself though. I am sure all of your thoughts are original and you’ve experienced nothing in the world that has made it through that insurmountable fortress atop your shoulders.
Are you an idiot?
Media are also showing multiple iterations of James Bond, do you feel the pressure to become a special agent?
Right, forget about how the countless games I play makes me wish I could be a hero in real life. Media has no affect on our mental states at all people, wrap it up its time to watch a snuff film.
Once more, are you claiming that adults make life changing decisions because of media? Or it only impact women? Do you know how condescending you are?
Ignore my direct example involving me, a man.
Is 007 massively marketed to the kindergarten demographic…?
Do kindergarten children get married in the western society? Or perhaps adults, capable of making their own conscious decisions?
Or perhaps you are arguing women are not capable of making decisions who/if to marry?
Is ‘indoctrination’ a new word to you…?
If a woman marries a man with the same job position, the average income of the house goes up. How is that alone not enough.
If a man marries a woman with the same job position, the average income of the house goes up, your point is?
Have a heard about cohabitation? You know, when people live together without getting married?
Have a? Lol spell better
Yes sweetie, you hit the point here 🙄 Have a cookie.
You’re obviously in serious denial, go see a therapist about getting dumped.
Everybody is a product of their circumstances. To think otherwise is at best naive, and at worst willfully ignorant of your own privilege that you aren’t subject to the same circumstances. Yes, each of us choose our own actions, and have to deal with the consequences thereof- but actions are done for a reason, and this reason is not always within an individual’s control, but rather is them trying to do what is best for them with the information they have available.
In this case, weddings have been marketed to a certain demographic. Marketing tends to work- but in this case even moreso due to centuries of societal condition. Heard the term “old maid?”
Wanna bet that even though you explained that, they still wouldn’t understand, because everything is so simple and doesn’t have dimensions of complexity according to them?
Edit: told ya lmao
I’m sad for them.
If they blame trends on individuals I wonder where they think health epidemics come from. Or other things that are way more important than weddings. Neglecting system factors I could imagine comes with a side of immense blame and, assuming the self awareness to direct it internally, guilt.
Are you suggesting that women are not capable of making their own conscious decisions?
I’m saying they (we) aren’t capable of making decisions in a vacuum, void of all influence of external factors, because no human being is. We are the sum of our experiences.
Do you accept that you are solely responsible for the consequences of your decisions?
Absolutely. And not that it matters, but my wedding was less than a grand.
I also understand the need to evaluate my decisions, and weigh my influences, and even still I recognize that my choices are a result of who I am and I am the sum of my experiences. I know that my experiences and upbringing and societal expectations shape my decisions.
Off topic, are you aware of systems engineering processes for safety such as MSDS sheets, or lock out tag out procedures? Just culture in aviation? Social determinants of health? My point is nothing exists in a vacuum.
Good and this is the right answer.
Best of luck.
Read
Are you suggesting that women are not capable of making their own conscious decisions? Simple yes and no will suffice.
Because if they are it also means they are solely responsible for the consequences of their actions.
Yes, a person is responsible of their action, but actions are done for a reason. Being responsible is not equal to being the sole person responsible.
Take for example the trolley problem. You can spend all your time trying to find out who, in the end, is responsible for the death of one of the people on the right track or the left track. Is it the train for not slowing down? Is it the person who tied the people to the tracks? Is it you for not choosing the opposite people? But the best you can do is make sure this doesn’t happen again, either way, by finding the root cause of how the hell this situation happened in the first place. You can maybe persecute the person that tied the people down, but if they told you they did it because someone ordered them to, would that really solve anything? You would then have to find out who ordered them to do so and stop them, else they would just hire someone else to do the job.
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Can you please point to where I said any of that?
Also yo wtf
Why aren’t you rich then.
Your point is?
You not being rich is your fault alone and there is nothing else to consider about it. Try choosing to be rich sometime.
Think again. Slowly.
Too fast for you I see… gl being poor and alone.
Try to think again, slowly. Maybe a few more times?
Homework for you: what is the difference between a decision “I will marry this guy this year” and a decision “I will have at least a million dollars and will be 4 inches taller this year”.
Don’t rush it, you may get to the answer one day.
Who makes up 50 percent of society?
Who makes up 100 percent of society? Is it people? Then how come society doesnt do people right 100 percent of the time?
If the workers don’t want to be oppressed they should just have a communist revolution already. Clearly they like having their health insurance claims denied. /s