• ERROR: Earth.exe has crashed
    link
    fedilink
    English
    101
    edit-2
    1 month ago

    Shitty Pro Tips:

    Turn on Google Maps Location History and act like a “normie”. (You should probably do this for a few months to establish a good and lenthy history)

    Then when you want to do murder surprise deprivation of someone’s life, leave your phone at home and use a pre-recorded voice of you that would activate and use the Google/Siri assistant at the same time as when you do the deed.

    Voila, ez alibi!

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      83
      edit-2
      1 month ago

      Even better, my location history proves I regularly go on 5 hour drives in the middle of the night so it’s not at all out of character that I drove to the middle of the woods where the body was found at 3am

      wait that’s not a good thing is it

      what do you mean they found more bodies

      • @[email protected]
        link
        fedilink
        English
        191 month ago

        Now you gotta tell us where are you driving to at night. No I am not a fed, I just work in the sunglass store.

        • @robocall
          link
          41 month ago

          People don’t wear sunglasses at night

          • St3alth
            link
            fedilink
            English
            21 month ago

            No they wear those sunglasses that arnt sunglasses.

            Wait no that’s just normal glasses. Wait no no they could be them light reducing once’s that stop headlights from blinding you.

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      English
      521 month ago

      To be fair, if you’re going to do something really illegal, you shouldn’t bring your phone with you anyway, or at least put it on airplane mode. Even without Google Maps, the cell towers will triangulate your approximate location and time, and it’s basically the first thing police pull if there’s a crime in an area.

      You’ll also probably need to make sure you conceal your face as you walk by a million ring doorbell cameras, because those will rat you out and disprove your alibi.

      • @[email protected]
        link
        fedilink
        English
        35
        edit-2
        1 month ago

        I wouldn’t even trust Airplane mode, it can and will still keep GPS active and potentially log it in a way that can be accessed later. You do not truely “own” any modern cellphone and you should not consider any single activity or communication that you do on it to be private or secure.

        • @[email protected]
          link
          fedilink
          English
          111 month ago

          Mm… haven’t read that but sounds right.

          I might be comfortable committing a crime if I had a time machine but barring that I’d just drive from the crime scene to the precinct.

          • @idiomaddict
            link
            51 month ago

            They still don’t solve them all, so it’s not impossible to get away with it

            • @Clinicallydepressedpoochie
              link
              41 month ago

              It’s not like the police have access to every cell phone and can lookup who was where and when. You have to first become a suspect.

        • irelephant 🍭
          link
          fedilink
          41 month ago

          When you turn them off, they’re not actually off. This way stuff like emergency calls and alarms can go through. I miss old phones where you could just pop off the battery.

              • @AtariDump
                link
                11 month ago

                You can turn those off when powering the phone down.

              • @idiomaddict
                link
                1
                edit-2
                1 month ago

                Luckily, draining an iphones battery is really easy.

                Edit: though battery depleted devices can still be tracked for hours.

        • @[email protected]
          link
          fedilink
          21 month ago

          Which is not in any way shady or unexpected. Airplane mode is supposed to stop your device from emitting any radio signals. GPS receivers only receive signals and don’t send any, so there is no reason for GPS not to work in airplane mode.

      • ERROR: Earth.exe has crashed
        link
        fedilink
        English
        51 month ago

        I mean, I’d probably mess up so that why I don’t do crime. Doesn’t matter if its an “honorable” crime like robin hood stuff, I’d most likely just fuck up and lool like a fool, and the government will use my attempt as an excuse to increase surveillance and divert more tax dollars to cops.

        I’m just not that type of person, so don’t count on me for any revolutionary acts.

        • Queen HawlSera
          link
          fedilink
          English
          21 month ago

          My constant paranoia about getting in trouble for shit I didn’t do is why I don’t do crime.

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      101 month ago

      Welp, I think the detectives know who to DM when we see a rise of murders in “a few months”

    • Ulrich
      link
      fedilink
      English
      31 month ago

      What’s far more likely to happen if you do that is that you get caught up in a dragnet and accused of a crime you haven’t committed because they know you were nearby and need a fall guy.

      • ERROR: Earth.exe has crashed
        link
        fedilink
        English
        11 month ago

        Lol, they already know where you are unless you turn on airplane mode every time you leave your house. (Cellular triangulation)

        • Ulrich
          link
          fedilink
          English
          2
          edit-2
          1 month ago

          LOL, Depends who “they” is. The NSA? Sure. Your local PD? No.