I have a ( I can’t say girlfriend, I can’t say lady friend and I don’t want to say female friend because it sounds neckbeardy) friend who has this issue.
She much prefers having guy friends but the single ones often start to show signs they are interested in dating her when she is just looking for friendship.
I’m one of the few guy friends she has that has not tried put the moves on her. She’s invited a few of us to a games convention over the years and both the other guys have been dropping hints at their intentions and she wants none of it.
These are guys she has been friends with for years, and the two most recent ones have been from my home country as well which annoys me. She doesn’t seem to be able to take us out anywhere without issues.
Her and I get along well, very similar interests, hobbies, and views but we have no interest in each other in any intimate way.
My mother absolutely loves her.
Where I am from, a lot of people just assume a guy and girl cannot be friends. Something has to be going on between them. I’ve always had gal friends? and every time someone has assumed something is going on and it never has.
A lot of people used to tell me growing up, that I should make friends with a girl first and then ‘upgrade’ to a relationship.
Yeah no I don’t like that, seems underhanded, but sure it could happen when 2 friends develop feelings for each other but don’t go into a friendship expecting more.
It’s really great of you to be sensitive to these dynamics and to be such a straightforward friend. Clearly you see how rare it is, as the other guy friends are trying, however subtly, to girlfriend your mutual friend (who is a woman). Just keep being a good guy, because that’s who you are.
In the spirit of harebrained schemes, drag has a suggestion:
Tell the guys you have a crush on her, you want to ask her out, and you’re calling dibs. And then don’t. Tell her about the plan in advance so there are no misunderstandings with her. But let them think they’re upholding the “bro code” by not putting the moves on her.
If she wants to get in on the scheme, she can turn them down by explaining she already has a crush on you and can’t see herself with anyone else. And both of you should be absolutely adamant that the guys must absolutely not tell your “crush” your “true feelings”. You’re just too nervous, and you’d see any reveal of your secret as a breach of trust.
Taking up mammoth hunting to befriend a guy in pursuit of a platonic friendship is 100% the worst way to go about it.
If a woman presents any man with the opportunity to hunt an extinct megafauna with her, she is absolutely the most desirable mate possible. The amount of effort she would have to undertake would be a clear sign she is interested unless it is presented as a group activity.
You do have to be careful, I suppose - how many generations of our male ancestors, after all, have been seduced by that age-old hunter-gatherer pickup line: “MEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!”
Wow this is fantastic!
Girls deserve to have good friendships with guys without having to take up mammoth-hunting!
I have a ( I can’t say girlfriend, I can’t say lady friend and I don’t want to say female friend because it sounds neckbeardy) friend who has this issue.
She much prefers having guy friends but the single ones often start to show signs they are interested in dating her when she is just looking for friendship.
I’m one of the few guy friends she has that has not tried put the moves on her. She’s invited a few of us to a games convention over the years and both the other guys have been dropping hints at their intentions and she wants none of it. These are guys she has been friends with for years, and the two most recent ones have been from my home country as well which annoys me. She doesn’t seem to be able to take us out anywhere without issues.
Her and I get along well, very similar interests, hobbies, and views but we have no interest in each other in any intimate way. My mother absolutely loves her.
Where I am from, a lot of people just assume a guy and girl cannot be friends. Something has to be going on between them. I’ve always had gal friends? and every time someone has assumed something is going on and it never has.
A lot of people used to tell me growing up, that I should make friends with a girl first and then ‘upgrade’ to a relationship. Yeah no I don’t like that, seems underhanded, but sure it could happen when 2 friends develop feelings for each other but don’t go into a friendship expecting more.
It’s really great of you to be sensitive to these dynamics and to be such a straightforward friend. Clearly you see how rare it is, as the other guy friends are trying, however subtly, to girlfriend your mutual friend (who is a woman). Just keep being a good guy, because that’s who you are.
In the spirit of harebrained schemes, drag has a suggestion:
Tell the guys you have a crush on her, you want to ask her out, and you’re calling dibs. And then don’t. Tell her about the plan in advance so there are no misunderstandings with her. But let them think they’re upholding the “bro code” by not putting the moves on her.
If she wants to get in on the scheme, she can turn them down by explaining she already has a crush on you and can’t see herself with anyone else. And both of you should be absolutely adamant that the guys must absolutely not tell your “crush” your “true feelings”. You’re just too nervous, and you’d see any reveal of your secret as a breach of trust.
It’s called “The Mordecai”.
Taking up mammoth hunting to befriend a guy in pursuit of a platonic friendship is 100% the worst way to go about it.
If a woman presents any man with the opportunity to hunt an extinct megafauna with her, she is absolutely the most desirable mate possible. The amount of effort she would have to undertake would be a clear sign she is interested unless it is presented as a group activity.
You do have to be careful, I suppose - how many generations of our male ancestors, after all, have been seduced by that age-old hunter-gatherer pickup line: “MEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!”
True. I can easily be wooed with carne asada tacos and/or bacon.
Like, if I woke up a chick’s place for the first time and she made me a plate of bacon, I’m a tuna in a bucket.