Woman: You see her? You think she’s pretty?
Guy: Hmmm?
“Do you think she’s pretty?”
“I guess…why?”
“So, you think she’s prettier than me?”
“Do I think she’s prettier than you…hmmmmm, let me see your butt.”
“What?”
“I gotta compare butts.”
“You have to compare butts…to know if she’s prettier than me?”
“Well, yeah. How would you YOU judge it?”
“Self depricatingly! Obviously!”
“That’s because you can’t see your own butt.”
“Huh?”
“It’s behind you. It’s a great butt, but you never see it.”
“What’s so special about my butt?”
“Here, bend over a second. Let me show you something.”
“Ok…”
“You feel this? This is a nice thick curve. It’s got some juicyness to it, and right here—no no, don’t straighten up. Stay like this. A man is explaining your own worth to you now.”
“A man…”
“Yes, that’s right. Don’t worry, you don’t need to be observant, which means to notice things. You’re pretty. That means you don’t need to think, or even notice how pretty you are. You’ll still be treated nice.”
“I…what?”
“Shhhhhhhh, don’t ruin it by talking.”
And THAT is how you get women to stop being self conscious about if they’re pretty enough, and START a whole new fight about if you think they’re smart. Then, you just let them win a few arguements of being smart, which creates confidence within them. And that ends their internal need to prove themselves to you, because now they feel smart AND pretty.
And now you’re not fighting. Or maybe you are. I’m single and don’t understand life. It sounds like a solid plan though.
The weird thing was, before settling on this, I was originally going to try a different bit. I was going to use Vince McMahons current sexual abuse situation to try to make a joke out of that. But no matter how I tried it, it just came off as bad and unfunny. What’s even funnier is, I was wondering where I should post that bit. I found a community called Morbid Questions. Which oddly enough you’re the mod of. But, even if I could have made that post work, the community is dead. So it wouldn’t have been posted there.
I think what I came up with instead is hilarious. The idea of a completely clueless arrogant guy saying the worst possible thing, and the woman thinking he’s just the biggest ass she’s ever met. Then it turns out, it was all intentional on his end. Because he’s playing 4D chess. But…he’s still by definition being a misogynistic ass. So she was right all along, but not for the reasons she thinks.
If I were to cast this as a SNL skit or something, I’d want John Lithgow in the 90s to play the guy. And the whole sketch was inspired by the overly attached girlfriend meme. She has a youtube video where it was kinda the same thing. Except she was playing it more from the perspective of the woman asking if everyone else is pretty, and she focused more on that for the humor. And the guy being completely clueless she was doing that as he watches TV. With her getting more and more frustrated that he’s ignoring her.
To me, the attitude of a guy being so blunt by saying things like “Shhhhh, a man is talking” to a woman who’s getting increasingly angry, is just funny to me. As long as it’s in comedy, and not a real life situation. The comedy plays off the fact that would be so inappropriate to say in real life. And I’m a sucker for the absurd, and inappropriate. The problem today is, real life is absurd and inappropriate, so I never get things that are funny. George W Bush and Trump would both be hilarious…if they were fictional and not someone that is in control of a country for real. Just the same as if a guy said these things for real, it wouldn’t be funny. But as a sketch? Oh man. Hilarious!
The casting matters for sure. The dialogue as it is could be played a half dozen ways, most of which would fall flat. But I can see Lithgow making it work with that detached, analytical presentation he does.