Are you your own favorite person? If not, why not? What qualities about yourself make you feel like you’re not worthy of being the person you enjoy spending the most time with? If you are your own favorite person, why does it matter if someone else feels like they’d rather spend time with you over anyone else? I feel if you enjoy your own company when you’re completely alone then the relationships you develop with others become more genuine, because you actually enjoy spending time with those people, rather than just being desperate to not be alone with yourself.
I know you don’t actually want people to individually answer. But for me, I’m always making mistakes, never working hard enough, always doing the wrong thing, etc. I try but never hard enough. I fail every day at the things I try to do and get everything wrong all the time…most of it in terms of social interaction.
Because I’ve been very isolated and alone all my life, including home schooling, when I’m alone there’s this emptiness inside of me that never gets filled. I get so anxious when I’m alone and have slowly lost the ability to do things to distract myself from it.
Theres a difference between being lonely and alone, I used to be good at being alone but I’ve never been able to cope with being lonely. Life seems pointless without others in it.
Isolation is painful, I know that very well. There is a vast difference between having no one in your life and feeling incapable of being ok without company. People need community, we are social beings. The best advice I have for seeking friendship is to join groups you have affinity with. If you’re particularly interested in politics, art, music, movies, gardening, anime, 3D printing, TTRPGs, whatever it is you love spending time doing, find people in your area who get together to do those things and try to join them.
If, on the other hand, you have friends and community but still can’t stand the time you spend alone, address what about being by yourself creates that anxiety? What are you getting from constant company that you don’t have alone?
Thabk you for the kind words and taking time to respond.
I’ve put a lot of effort into making friends over the last 11 years, I had a good community and a hobby that got me out and about with people all the time, unfortunately during the pandemic I moved to one of the most socially isolating countries there is, it’s taken me 4 and a half years to make new friends but I have a bunch of friends again, but it just doesn’t seem like it’s enough, it never is. Even back home, with all I had going for me, I spent most of my time alone and felt this way.
The only thing I can think of is that they distract me from the emptiness, when they’re there, the emptiness is subdued for a while.
I’ve been doing tons of introspection on why I feel this way and I don’t know. I have BPD, which makes things difficult. I know that on a Saturday morning, if I haven’t got plans with someone, I wake up feeling like there’s no point in even waking up, my existence serves no purpose besides being there for my mom. I’ve lost interest in my hobbies because of a lifetime of never being able to afford what I need to complete anything, and anxiety and fear of failure has creeped into everything. I don’t even play games anymore unless it’s with someone.
Borderline personality disorder is a whole ass beast and I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling with it. I’ve heard there’s a specific version of cognitive behavioral therapy called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy that’s been modified from CBT to address BPD specifically. I’m not a mental health therapist so past personal experience I feel limited in the advice I can give. I have had some success thus far working with a therapist who specializes in my specific mental health needs (late diagnosed ADHD and Autism) that I’ve developed a decent relationship with. We’re working with CBT and it’s been helpful in catching the runaway anxiety spirals I’ve struggled with since childhood, as well as reprocessing general negative lines of thought about myself and the people around me.
I hope you find peace and balance in your mind so the need to hide from yourself with the company of others is diminished. Not only because learning to give yourself grace is healing, but because It’s so much easier to find genuine connection with the people around me when I’m not driven by fear.
Now that I think about it, I’m not sure who IS my favorite person (?) Is there such a person at all? Do I need to rank them? I like a lot of people but kind of shy away from the ranking contest
Fair, I tend to think in terms of affinity rather than ranking, i have high affinity with some people and less with others. it’s not about rank, it’s about… Vibes? I guess? There’s probably a better word but codes it what comes to mind.
Are you your own favorite person? If not, why not? What qualities about yourself make you feel like you’re not worthy of being the person you enjoy spending the most time with? If you are your own favorite person, why does it matter if someone else feels like they’d rather spend time with you over anyone else? I feel if you enjoy your own company when you’re completely alone then the relationships you develop with others become more genuine, because you actually enjoy spending time with those people, rather than just being desperate to not be alone with yourself.
I know you don’t actually want people to individually answer. But for me, I’m always making mistakes, never working hard enough, always doing the wrong thing, etc. I try but never hard enough. I fail every day at the things I try to do and get everything wrong all the time…most of it in terms of social interaction.
Because I’ve been very isolated and alone all my life, including home schooling, when I’m alone there’s this emptiness inside of me that never gets filled. I get so anxious when I’m alone and have slowly lost the ability to do things to distract myself from it.
Theres a difference between being lonely and alone, I used to be good at being alone but I’ve never been able to cope with being lonely. Life seems pointless without others in it.
But the more you interact with them, the more it’s revealed that people are mostly intolerable and disappointing. So, alone has it’s own merits.
Isolation is painful, I know that very well. There is a vast difference between having no one in your life and feeling incapable of being ok without company. People need community, we are social beings. The best advice I have for seeking friendship is to join groups you have affinity with. If you’re particularly interested in politics, art, music, movies, gardening, anime, 3D printing, TTRPGs, whatever it is you love spending time doing, find people in your area who get together to do those things and try to join them.
If, on the other hand, you have friends and community but still can’t stand the time you spend alone, address what about being by yourself creates that anxiety? What are you getting from constant company that you don’t have alone?
Thabk you for the kind words and taking time to respond.
I’ve put a lot of effort into making friends over the last 11 years, I had a good community and a hobby that got me out and about with people all the time, unfortunately during the pandemic I moved to one of the most socially isolating countries there is, it’s taken me 4 and a half years to make new friends but I have a bunch of friends again, but it just doesn’t seem like it’s enough, it never is. Even back home, with all I had going for me, I spent most of my time alone and felt this way.
The only thing I can think of is that they distract me from the emptiness, when they’re there, the emptiness is subdued for a while.
I’ve been doing tons of introspection on why I feel this way and I don’t know. I have BPD, which makes things difficult. I know that on a Saturday morning, if I haven’t got plans with someone, I wake up feeling like there’s no point in even waking up, my existence serves no purpose besides being there for my mom. I’ve lost interest in my hobbies because of a lifetime of never being able to afford what I need to complete anything, and anxiety and fear of failure has creeped into everything. I don’t even play games anymore unless it’s with someone.
Being alone feels terrifying and so so empty.
Borderline personality disorder is a whole ass beast and I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling with it. I’ve heard there’s a specific version of cognitive behavioral therapy called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy that’s been modified from CBT to address BPD specifically. I’m not a mental health therapist so past personal experience I feel limited in the advice I can give. I have had some success thus far working with a therapist who specializes in my specific mental health needs (late diagnosed ADHD and Autism) that I’ve developed a decent relationship with. We’re working with CBT and it’s been helpful in catching the runaway anxiety spirals I’ve struggled with since childhood, as well as reprocessing general negative lines of thought about myself and the people around me.
I hope you find peace and balance in your mind so the need to hide from yourself with the company of others is diminished. Not only because learning to give yourself grace is healing, but because It’s so much easier to find genuine connection with the people around me when I’m not driven by fear.
Now that I think about it, I’m not sure who IS my favorite person (?) Is there such a person at all? Do I need to rank them? I like a lot of people but kind of shy away from the ranking contest
Fair, I tend to think in terms of affinity rather than ranking, i have high affinity with some people and less with others. it’s not about rank, it’s about… Vibes? I guess? There’s probably a better word but codes it what comes to mind.