or become old enough to realize…you are no longer the main character in your own life.
the “floater friend”
I’m my cats’ favorite person, but that’s only because they are indoor cats and I’m the only human in the house.
I have others in the house, but I feed her so she loves me the most. Conditional love works when the condition is easy to fulfill ❤️
I don’t need to be someone’s favorite person, I don’t think. But I’ve grown exhausted with “uneven” friendships. I feel like every relationship I try to maintain, it’s a one sided effort. I’m the only one reaching out. I take note of their interests and utilize that info, send them cool links, spark convos, etc. But don’t really get it in return.
Perhaps that’s too demanding of me? Unrealistic? If so, I don’t think I understand what friendship is supposed to be and likely never will.
so is it this way for every relationship or are there some where the other person is always reaching out to you? totally agree, it’s nice when both friends are equally reaching out and attempting to nourish the friendship
Same thing with me. I’ve joined a notorious uni known for ragging and bullying. Being friendless can make you their target. If not for that, I would rather be isolated than fruitlessly try and make friends.
What the fuck is wrong with your place that there is bullying at university? I think most people left that shit in high school, and I could have gone for days at uni without interacting with someone if I wanted…
I think I must have told you that I’m not an American. It’s worse than high school in uni here because the staff gives no fuck.
Or do you ever realise that everyone percives you differently, so you’re a different person to different people.
My partner is my favorite person and I’m his. I would assume it’s true for (at least) many couples. Am I missing something, or are people just lonely?
People are just lonely.
What about everyone else who does not have a partner?
Yeah, I don’t think this post is addressing folks who are in a relationship. 😅
That would be majority of lemmy users.
That’s great but it’s important to have friendships outside of your relationship as well.
Are you your own favorite person? If not, why not? What qualities about yourself make you feel like you’re not worthy of being the person you enjoy spending the most time with? If you are your own favorite person, why does it matter if someone else feels like they’d rather spend time with you over anyone else? I feel if you enjoy your own company when you’re completely alone then the relationships you develop with others become more genuine, because you actually enjoy spending time with those people, rather than just being desperate to not be alone with yourself.
I know you don’t actually want people to individually answer. But for me, I’m always making mistakes, never working hard enough, always doing the wrong thing, etc. I try but never hard enough. I fail every day at the things I try to do and get everything wrong all the time…most of it in terms of social interaction.
Because I’ve been very isolated and alone all my life, including home schooling, when I’m alone there’s this emptiness inside of me that never gets filled. I get so anxious when I’m alone and have slowly lost the ability to do things to distract myself from it.
Theres a difference between being lonely and alone, I used to be good at being alone but I’ve never been able to cope with being lonely. Life seems pointless without others in it.
But the more you interact with them, the more it’s revealed that people are mostly intolerable and disappointing. So, alone has it’s own merits.
Isolation is painful, I know that very well. There is a vast difference between having no one in your life and feeling incapable of being ok without company. People need community, we are social beings. The best advice I have for seeking friendship is to join groups you have affinity with. If you’re particularly interested in politics, art, music, movies, gardening, anime, 3D printing, TTRPGs, whatever it is you love spending time doing, find people in your area who get together to do those things and try to join them.
If, on the other hand, you have friends and community but still can’t stand the time you spend alone, address what about being by yourself creates that anxiety? What are you getting from constant company that you don’t have alone?
Thabk you for the kind words and taking time to respond.
I’ve put a lot of effort into making friends over the last 11 years, I had a good community and a hobby that got me out and about with people all the time, unfortunately during the pandemic I moved to one of the most socially isolating countries there is, it’s taken me 4 and a half years to make new friends but I have a bunch of friends again, but it just doesn’t seem like it’s enough, it never is. Even back home, with all I had going for me, I spent most of my time alone and felt this way.
The only thing I can think of is that they distract me from the emptiness, when they’re there, the emptiness is subdued for a while.
I’ve been doing tons of introspection on why I feel this way and I don’t know. I have BPD, which makes things difficult. I know that on a Saturday morning, if I haven’t got plans with someone, I wake up feeling like there’s no point in even waking up, my existence serves no purpose besides being there for my mom. I’ve lost interest in my hobbies because of a lifetime of never being able to afford what I need to complete anything, and anxiety and fear of failure has creeped into everything. I don’t even play games anymore unless it’s with someone.
Being alone feels terrifying and so so empty.
Borderline personality disorder is a whole ass beast and I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling with it. I’ve heard there’s a specific version of cognitive behavioral therapy called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy that’s been modified from CBT to address BPD specifically. I’m not a mental health therapist so past personal experience I feel limited in the advice I can give. I have had some success thus far working with a therapist who specializes in my specific mental health needs (late diagnosed ADHD and Autism) that I’ve developed a decent relationship with. We’re working with CBT and it’s been helpful in catching the runaway anxiety spirals I’ve struggled with since childhood, as well as reprocessing general negative lines of thought about myself and the people around me.
I hope you find peace and balance in your mind so the need to hide from yourself with the company of others is diminished. Not only because learning to give yourself grace is healing, but because It’s so much easier to find genuine connection with the people around me when I’m not driven by fear.
Now that I think about it, I’m not sure who IS my favorite person (?) Is there such a person at all? Do I need to rank them? I like a lot of people but kind of shy away from the ranking contest
Fair, I tend to think in terms of affinity rather than ranking, i have high affinity with some people and less with others. it’s not about rank, it’s about… Vibes? I guess? There’s probably a better word but codes it what comes to mind.
Every day I go home knowing I’m the favorite person of 2 cats. Here both of them are laying on my lap.
For me it’s my two little dogs who get filled with so much energy when I come home that one does constant 360s and the other serenades me with vocal sounds with her little tail flailing around at high speeds.
I could be completely flat and done with the world untill I walk inside and I’m filled with joy by these 2 little shits.
Cats have good taste!
why do you need to be someone’s favourite person? if you make it to anyone’s top 10, that’s pretty cool already
I mean, I would prefer to be my partner’s favorite person, but I’m sure there are like 50 reasons that reveals I’m broken inside somehow. Or maybe it was that last part I added.
right, partners, I was just referring to friends
NICE SIDEBURNS
THANK YOU, GO AWAY
Arthur my man!
I am lucky to get an early start in life to know that you should not please every people, and not everyone will like you. So screw the haters.
Yeah…
I feel everyone is more important than I am. Everyone.
Thank you
Nahhhh bish you are more important than you will ever know
It took me so long to accept this, don’t take as long as I did.
Cheers, mate…
I’m 35… if it’s not something I’ve “realized” yet, I doubt I ever will
Yeah, but I have BPD, and know FPs are dangerous (still want one tho)
French poodles?
Well … That’s not untrue.
French press
Floating points?
Favorite Pixels
No, I don’t have a favorite person. I assume others don’t either.
No. I matter a lot to some people who matter a lot to me. I don’t need to be the most important person to anyone (other than my partner and our kitties; even then, she has lots of people who are more important in different ways, like her mom and brothers and her best friend since they were kids).
Cherish the people who matter to you. This feels like some real influencer-pilled shit.
