I have anger issues, which I can’t control. I am considered conventionally attractive (though I don’t see it) and many people think I’m cool and want to be around me.
Like I said, though, I have anger issues where I will act quite aggressively towards people. One time, someone I knew said hi to me, so I screamed “I HEARD YOU”. I also tend to type very dryly and with periods when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).
My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be like that.
I’m even like this with guys I’ve dated and I love them not as brothers.
Women also piss me off more than men do, so I hang out more with them because I feel like they get me and aren’t as bitchy. (Part of the reason why I’m bi curious but never found a woman I’d date, excluding one I almost went out with).
While I do tend to praise men and ignore women, as some people say, it’s tough love since I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]
But yeah, TLDR; My mood problems impact the people I care about, and I’m wondering if it’s a turn off since some people don’t want to be around me rather than loving me for me.
I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.
Holy internalized misogyny, Batman!
This is truly wild and the exact opposite of what women actually need.
Who gets to define the best version of themselves? They don’t get input on that? Only you? Only men?
Coupled with your previous post on narcissism where you said this:
It’s not tough love. This is abusive language and behavior.
I understand getting frustrated with people if they’ve failed to make positive changes for themselves for a long time… but unless you’re their partner who lives with them, most of it doesn’t and shouldn’t have a direct impact on your life. Meaning it’s up to them to make choices for how they live and what they feel is comfortable. It’s up to you to be their friend and respect their choices being different than yours. If you can’t do that, you’re not actually their friend. You’re just a rude domineering person who thinks they know best for everyone else (Pro tip: you don’t, actually).
“Tough love” almost never results in people suddenly respecting your opinion. No, if anything it makes them resent your opinion.
Even if it is a partner you live with. Guess what? It’s healthier to just dump them and move on if you’re so disappointed with them than trying to bully them into the person you want them to be. Try spending less time justifying your own actions with your reasoning and try spending more time considering their actions and their reasoning with intent to focus on charitable interpretations.
Look, I’ve had anger problems myself. The worst habit I picked up from my shitty parents was resorting to hurtful and abusive language when I’ve been pushed pushed pushed into anger. Even if the things I am saying have root in valid critiques of the people and the situation the abusive language does not help anything, ever, at all! I know this from experience. What you probably need is some therapy to help you find more healthy ways to express yourself and more healthy ways to help yourself disconnect from these situations as they do not impact you personally most of the time. (I can see a perpetually late friend impacting you, but that’s small potatoes, get over it or stop being their friend: problem solved.) I promise you, therapy helps.
All you’re doing is making people hate you.
From what I’ve read, she seems to think everyone will always be worse than her no matter how hard they try. They’ll never be good enough for her, so she’ll always find someone to be disappointed in and something to be disappointed in everyone for.
This person’s few posts are so insanely stereotypically the kinds of things a perfect, dark triad (narcissist, psycopath, machiavellian/manipulative) person would say, that 30 seconds into typing my other reply I did a ‘wait, is this a troll?’ double take.
I don’t know if I’m any of these, to be honest. I just have low empathy and high standards.
From your other reply, it seems to me that you’re likely a sociopath, which basically means you are by default a narcissist, as you only see the world in how it relates to you, as opposed to how others relate to you, and others to others.
You genuinely seem to have no ability to reflexively empathize with others, neither in a real time interaction, nor afterward.
You are your only emotional frame of reference, which means all of socializing basically is just a game you play to achieve some goal or goals… which is the same thing as saying, you do not comprehend how socializing could be anything other than a game of manipulating people, which other people are just worse at than you.
Apparently with the DSM V, sociopathy and psychopathy have basically been redefined, together, into ASPD.
So… yeah.
Please see a therapist.
Also, this is unrelated, but as a panromantic woman, I don’t understand why she keeps insisting she is pansexual or whatever.
I won’t judge but this reads like she is not interested in women? Perhaps bicurious like this current post says.
I know this will sound cynical…
…but a whole, whole lot of younger, brainrotted tiktok addicts with narcissistic personalities and negative attention spans will describe themselves as pan or bi when they aren’t at all, because they can use it as an idpol thing, an extra reason to legitimate their anger directed at anyone critical of them, a vapid empty signifier that has no real meaning beyond ‘people i think are funny or hot or popular say they are bi/pan/omni, so I am too!’
But I find women pretty…? Sure, I can’t name any female crushes, but that doesn’t make me less bi/pan. Sexuality is a spectrum.
Yes, I LOVE men, and women don’t give me the spark, but I love the idea of finally being able to say “I love my girlfriend!”. Plus, a lot of women are very soft and playful, and as a woman, I think I could date and understand most women.
I just haven’t found the right woman because my type is athletic and extroverted. Shy people are annoying, TBH. And they HAVE to like men. Part of dating women means I have to relate to them, and I can’t relate to a lesbian woman.
People find sunsets pretty. That doesn’t mean they’re heliosexual. Finding a thing aesthetically pleasing is distinct from being sexually or romantically attracted.
I can see myself with men, not with women though. They are nice to flirt with and have common interests with (especially MENNNN, this is why I don’t have many lesbian friends) and they have to be extroverted, which is why I don’t like neurodivergent people as friends. they’re cool, but if they have autism, they’re mostly kinda weird (No offense, ADHD people just seem more social).
I don’t know, because I would probably date a woman if I met the right one, but I can’t name a time a woman has ever interested me.
Seems like she’s just collecting adjectives at this point.
I do like women. Women are beautiful.
I, in fact, tried dating one at 16, but I was also dating this dude and trying to break up. She didn’t know I was dating him, though (she never even asked) and caught me with him. She was very upset, so I told my homophobic asshole friend to go F herself for telling her I have a boyfriend :(
So yeah, my big-mouthed friend ruined that for me, sadly. I told her to never speak to me again and she couldn’t sit with me for the rest of sophomore year, but since I’m quite sweet, I forgave her. i know she was devoted to me.
It sounds like you ruined it for yourself. Judging from all of your replies and especially this one in particular, you seem to lack the ability to take basic accountability for your own actions. I would suggest reflecting on the cause-and-effect in the anecdotes you’ve shared and try to visualize how they might played out were the roles reversed and other people spoke to/treated you the way that you describe treating them. Even if you have some degree of sociopathy (I’m not a mental health professional by any means), you should still be able to reflect on these situations on an intellectual and objective level and consider that you might be the cause of these conflicts.