i don’t mean this to say that people with mental health conditions are all abusive, nor do i take your comments as a diagnosis, i’m more or less just curious. after all, only a professional could help the specific person.
i have been emotionally abused by someone. they can never accept their own faults or mistakes. telling them they made a mistake will set them off and cause outbursts of anger. they strictly adhere to rules and try to control people to follow a rigid set of them.
will often prey on weaknesses to make you stay with them because “no one understands you, just me”. discards you but comes back after a while and the cycle repeats.
often makes others feel bad about themselves, that they are the best/only good person and they should be the reliable one to come to when something’s wrong. in their eyes, you are worthless no matter what you do to change it.
It could be a lot of things - Narcissism certainly, but defensiveness as a response to criticism is also pretty common in folks with ADHD due to what we experience in the educational system… I’ve had to train myself to be more open to criticism but any criticism in the realm of laziness still makes me quite defensive.
The “No one understands you just me” is classic predatory behavior that’s often accompanied by trying to isolate you from your family, again, it could come from narcissism but it’s also frequently tied to plain old insecurity but in an extreme form.
It sounds like you’re happy getting out of that relationship - whatever is wrong with them is their fucking problem and not yours. One of the hardest part about ending an emotionally abusive relationship is removing them from your day to day thoughts - so it might not be healthy to dwell on them even in this form, it might help to understand the damage better and find like folks but it’s also important to close that door.
Oh you are so right about ADHD and criticism. It hurts deep. But I don’t lash out at others, just quietly at myself afterwards.