feelings are important, though? if i can avoid hurting someone and all it costs me is saying blocklist instead of blacklist, that seems like an obvious slam dunk
Your feelings are yours to manage. You say why hurt someone when you can avoid it. I say why get hurt in the first place? Everyone has feelings about everything. No feeling is any more valid than any other feeling.
so you think other people should take responsibility for something they can’t control, but you should have no responsibility for something you can control?
you can’t stop yourself from feeling sad, but you can stop yourself from doing something that makes someone else sad
having no concern for the feelings of others is just really irrational and selfish imo
Emotions aren’t inherently positive or negative. It’s what you do with the emotions that has actual moral substance.
Here, let’s look at it this way.
I say something, and it made you sad. However, you know full well my intent was not to make you sad. Despite this, you use your sadness to guilt me about the thing. So now I feel sad that you are purposefully misinterpreting my meaning.
I am offended that you are offended. Explain to my why my feeling is invalid and yours is valid.
Anyone can feel bad about anything.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt
I’m not saying go around purposely making people sad. I’m saying don’t make your sadness my issue.
you’re adding way too much into this. who said that someone would guilt you? normally when you make someone sad they don’t say anything about it, they just feel a bit worse and continue with their lives
i’m just explaining to you, there’s no way to rationalize your way out of this. you are in complete control over what you say, unless you have verbal tics. and people will understand if you accidentally say something offensive from a tic. do you not understand this? it’s just about responsibility.
take some responsibility for what you say. that’s all.
Exactly. Don’t go out of your way to hurt others, and don’t go out of your way to be hurt. It has nothing to do with race, and it has been used for hundreds of years.
If someone gets fired while sunburnt, should they be offended by the term “pink slip”? No, that’s ridiculous, because the color in the terminology has nothing to do with race. That’s exactly the same with blacklist and whitelist.
Now, if there was a racist underpinning there, I’d understand pushing for terminology changes. But there isn’t, so stop finding new ways to be offended.
You know what I never understood? When someone says “I’m offended by that,” society generally accepts that as valid. But if I say “I’m offended that you’re offended.” That’s somehow invalid.
As if I cannot have an emotional reaction to being misunderstood or misinterpreted. People just assume bad faith and contrarian behavior instead of trying to figure out where the other person is coming from.
And I think if we have a more open dialog, we’d fix so many more issues than tip-toeing around whatever we think could be a sensitive issue.
I like how Louis Rossmann puts it (quote taken from his colleague), “if you’re gonna be the bitch, be the whole bitch.” Which means if you’re going to disagree/complain about something, be extremely clear about it. That way, the other party has a chance to fix whatever the problem is instead of one side assuming the other is a jerk or temperamental or something. Understanding comes through communication, and bluntness is usually better than beating around the bush.
Absolutely! But, then again I’m neurodivergent so me not understanding the inefficiency in societal trends and communication is just… Life for me.
I think my entire lens through which I view reality is governed by efficiency. Which makes me blunt, to the point, no filter. But even those who know me well still took a long time to learn that I just say what I think, and there’s no additional unspoken thoughts behind it, and had to work hard to stop projecting onto me. But that’s why I love them deeply.
Makes sense. I don’t think I’m neurodivergent, or at least I haven’t been tested nor have I had any significant reason to think I should. That said, I have neurodivergent friends, and I really appreciate them when they’re blunt about things. I had a roommate who approached me at the start saying, “I’ve been diagnosed w/ Aspergers so I struggle with social cues. Is it okay if I ask for help interpreting social situations?” That was awesome, and I wish neuro-typical people would be similarly upfront, like, “e.g. I don’t like how you did X last week, it made me feel Y.” That gives me a chance to explain or apologize X, which hopefully addresses Y.
Say what you think, and hopefully you’re proven wrong about some negative assumptions. It’s uncomfortable and hard, I get it, but I think living w/ uncertainty is even more uncomfortable.
Yeah, I feel the same way. Like my friends thought I was extra confident and brave, but no I’m terrified just like everyone is. I just find the unknown and the uncertain way more terrifying and uncomfortable, so I’m always asking why why why till I figure out what’s going on.
feelings are important, though? if i can avoid hurting someone and all it costs me is saying blocklist instead of blacklist, that seems like an obvious slam dunk
Your feelings are yours to manage. You say why hurt someone when you can avoid it. I say why get hurt in the first place? Everyone has feelings about everything. No feeling is any more valid than any other feeling.
so you think other people should take responsibility for something they can’t control, but you should have no responsibility for something you can control?
you can’t stop yourself from feeling sad, but you can stop yourself from doing something that makes someone else sad
having no concern for the feelings of others is just really irrational and selfish imo
Emotions aren’t inherently positive or negative. It’s what you do with the emotions that has actual moral substance.
Here, let’s look at it this way.
I say something, and it made you sad. However, you know full well my intent was not to make you sad. Despite this, you use your sadness to guilt me about the thing. So now I feel sad that you are purposefully misinterpreting my meaning.
I am offended that you are offended. Explain to my why my feeling is invalid and yours is valid.
Anyone can feel bad about anything.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt
I’m not saying go around purposely making people sad. I’m saying don’t make your sadness my issue.
you’re adding way too much into this. who said that someone would guilt you? normally when you make someone sad they don’t say anything about it, they just feel a bit worse and continue with their lives
i’m just explaining to you, there’s no way to rationalize your way out of this. you are in complete control over what you say, unless you have verbal tics. and people will understand if you accidentally say something offensive from a tic. do you not understand this? it’s just about responsibility.
take some responsibility for what you say. that’s all.
Exactly. Don’t go out of your way to hurt others, and don’t go out of your way to be hurt. It has nothing to do with race, and it has been used for hundreds of years.
If someone gets fired while sunburnt, should they be offended by the term “pink slip”? No, that’s ridiculous, because the color in the terminology has nothing to do with race. That’s exactly the same with blacklist and whitelist.
Now, if there was a racist underpinning there, I’d understand pushing for terminology changes. But there isn’t, so stop finding new ways to be offended.
You know what I never understood? When someone says “I’m offended by that,” society generally accepts that as valid. But if I say “I’m offended that you’re offended.” That’s somehow invalid.
As if I cannot have an emotional reaction to being misunderstood or misinterpreted. People just assume bad faith and contrarian behavior instead of trying to figure out where the other person is coming from.
And I think if we have a more open dialog, we’d fix so many more issues than tip-toeing around whatever we think could be a sensitive issue.
I like how Louis Rossmann puts it (quote taken from his colleague), “if you’re gonna be the bitch, be the whole bitch.” Which means if you’re going to disagree/complain about something, be extremely clear about it. That way, the other party has a chance to fix whatever the problem is instead of one side assuming the other is a jerk or temperamental or something. Understanding comes through communication, and bluntness is usually better than beating around the bush.
Absolutely! But, then again I’m neurodivergent so me not understanding the inefficiency in societal trends and communication is just… Life for me.
I think my entire lens through which I view reality is governed by efficiency. Which makes me blunt, to the point, no filter. But even those who know me well still took a long time to learn that I just say what I think, and there’s no additional unspoken thoughts behind it, and had to work hard to stop projecting onto me. But that’s why I love them deeply.
Makes sense. I don’t think I’m neurodivergent, or at least I haven’t been tested nor have I had any significant reason to think I should. That said, I have neurodivergent friends, and I really appreciate them when they’re blunt about things. I had a roommate who approached me at the start saying, “I’ve been diagnosed w/ Aspergers so I struggle with social cues. Is it okay if I ask for help interpreting social situations?” That was awesome, and I wish neuro-typical people would be similarly upfront, like, “e.g. I don’t like how you did X last week, it made me feel Y.” That gives me a chance to explain or apologize X, which hopefully addresses Y.
Say what you think, and hopefully you’re proven wrong about some negative assumptions. It’s uncomfortable and hard, I get it, but I think living w/ uncertainty is even more uncomfortable.
Yeah, I feel the same way. Like my friends thought I was extra confident and brave, but no I’m terrified just like everyone is. I just find the unknown and the uncertain way more terrifying and uncomfortable, so I’m always asking why why why till I figure out what’s going on.