I’m a relatively fit, 38 year old, male. I’m 6’3", 235 pounds, muscular. I play hockey 1-2 times a week and regularly exercise.

Pelosi? One punch, likely death results.

Trump, dead before he hits the ground.

JD Vance is a fucking pansy. I’d clock him in the eye one time and he would quit.

McConnell’s head explodes on impact.

Fetterman? Pre-stroke may have had some competition, but post-stroke he’s like Shrek with balance issues.

L. Graham runs away before it starts.

AOC, I could pick her up and toss her, but she’d go down swinging, I’m sure.

RFK would act tough, but one haymaker to the jaw would change that.

Gaetz goes down protecting his face as to not get plastic surgery damaged.

Booker might be tough, but I can take him with endurance.

There’s talk of Jesse Ventura getting back into politics, but based on age I can beat him.

Pete Hegseth would act tough and probably kick, punch the groin, and bite. In the end I would beat him with grit and old fashioned ass beating.

  • _stranger_
    3·
    10 days ago

    You’ll make a fatal mistake engaging either Cruz or McConnel in mele combat. In McConnell 's case, the ichor will explode forth as soon as you break the skin, enveloping you in a skin of evil, melting you down into your component parts before you even registered what happened.

    Cruz is worse. The colony of unknown organisms inhabiting his skin suit will likely rip you apart slowly from the inside after issuing forth from his busted maw, crawling through your eyes and mouth, devouring everything they touch.

    I recommend you save them for last. The fallen bodies of the other senators will likely prove too great a temptation, triggering a feral/instinctual feeding response that will expose their true nature, likely lowering their chances of getting reelected by 3-5% points.