I’m not sure about EU specific but I’m currently using a Tushy brand bidet and it’s extremely simple and wonderful and their website and manuals are full of shitty puns! Also, consider one with a feminine setting as I’ve heard they’re extra helpful.
Also, don’t bother with heated bidets - unless you have to worry about the device freezing. My parents installed one in an older house and it would draw quite a bit of power, the lights would noticeably flicker lol
I’ve bought so many from them! I have multiple bathrooms, we upgraded once, given them as gifts, and sneaky installed one at a family members vacation house!
If you aim the bidet stream just right, you can also give yourself a mini-enema for an extra clean feeling that lasts all day. And bear down a bit when you wash. It causes the anus to relax, helping to get the bits that get stuck in the folds. The only folks who need to be careful are hemorrhoid sufferers. If you hit an bleeding 'roid with the stream, it’s butt-clenching painful. Use the gentle spray setting on those bad 'roid days.
You speak truth that most are afraid to admit. My butthole is clean though and my hemorrhoid much more tame since forgoing the rough paper wiping. Also, it can help speed up the “endless poop” feelings that can happen on a bad stomach day, cause you know you’re empty (for now)
People rep bidets all the time, but I don’t see many repping the detailed nuances of why the’re the shit
I know it’s ignorant, but all I can imagine when using a bidet for the first time is shooting my corn hole with a jet of cold water, not knowing how clean it is back there, and using a towel to dry off only to find watered down shit on the towel.
I was reluctant to get a bidet because I couldn’t hook it up to a warm water line, and was pleasantly surprised when I realized buttholes really aren’t that temperature sensitive. Even in the dead of winter, cold well water shot straight up the butthole doesn’t feel cold or shocking at all. Probably impossible to believe unless you try it yourself.
Also, don’t be a monster and dry your butthole with a towel. Just use a little bit of toilet paper so if you’re still dirty, it’s okay. It’s not like your whole rear-end gets soaked, it’s a very thin steam of water that targets just your butthole, with maybe a tiny bit of spray on the surrounding area
It’s only surprising or strange the first time. If you aren’t acutely aware of how the water of a shower hits your skin every time you shower, then you won’t notice the bidet more than the first or second time.
So, how do you bidet to squeaky clean without touching your shit covered asshole? I know Indian people run water down the small of their back with a pitcher and wash that way, with their hand. Then they wash their hand. I’d like to avoid getting shit on my hands.
When you’re using a bidet with the underseat nozzle, imagine you’re washing dog shit off the sidewalk, except you’re the sidewalk. You do the bidet dance - shimmy your butt side-to-side as you scoot back-to-front. Fiddle with the strength of the stream until you find what’s still comfortable, but strong enough to knock all the poop loose. The sprayer-and-hose style of bidet means you don’t have to shimmy, but you have to be a bit more careful where you aim it. Blot dry with TP. Some TP works better with a bidet because it doesn’t disintegrate as easily when wet.
Ok I know that I have to dry my pooper when it’s wet, I don’t know why I’m getting down voted it was a serious question, my candor is abrasive maybe? I just don’t see how you can wash your ass without touching it, and I’m looking for technique recommendations so I can use one of these things.
It does. It’s high pressure. Imagine a super soaker stream right on your butthole. It’s not some weak ass trickle of water like a water fountain or something
It is hands free wiping, but with a spray nozzle. When I wiped with only TP, the chances of getting poop on my wrist/hand was much greater. Now it’s virtually none, and feels cleaner when you’re walking around later
Bidet attachments for your toilet are about $30 and you can install it yourself with zero skills in 30 minutes.
Wouldn’t you pay $30 to never have to wipe shit again? Just dry off and that’s it. Greatest thing imaginable.
Any recommendation? EU based ideally.
I’m not sure about EU specific but I’m currently using a Tushy brand bidet and it’s extremely simple and wonderful and their website and manuals are full of shitty puns! Also, consider one with a feminine setting as I’ve heard they’re extra helpful.
Also, don’t bother with heated bidets - unless you have to worry about the device freezing. My parents installed one in an older house and it would draw quite a bit of power, the lights would noticeably flicker lol
Also the cold water actually feels great.
I’ve bought so many from them! I have multiple bathrooms, we upgraded once, given them as gifts, and sneaky installed one at a family members vacation house!
If you aim the bidet stream just right, you can also give yourself a mini-enema for an extra clean feeling that lasts all day. And bear down a bit when you wash. It causes the anus to relax, helping to get the bits that get stuck in the folds. The only folks who need to be careful are hemorrhoid sufferers. If you hit an bleeding 'roid with the stream, it’s butt-clenching painful. Use the gentle spray setting on those bad 'roid days.
You speak truth that most are afraid to admit. My butthole is clean though and my hemorrhoid much more tame since forgoing the rough paper wiping. Also, it can help speed up the “endless poop” feelings that can happen on a bad stomach day, cause you know you’re empty (for now)
People rep bidets all the time, but I don’t see many repping the detailed nuances of why the’re the shit
I know it’s ignorant, but all I can imagine when using a bidet for the first time is shooting my corn hole with a jet of cold water, not knowing how clean it is back there, and using a towel to dry off only to find watered down shit on the towel.
You just use toilet paper to dry
I was reluctant to get a bidet because I couldn’t hook it up to a warm water line, and was pleasantly surprised when I realized buttholes really aren’t that temperature sensitive. Even in the dead of winter, cold well water shot straight up the butthole doesn’t feel cold or shocking at all. Probably impossible to believe unless you try it yourself.
Also, don’t be a monster and dry your butthole with a towel. Just use a little bit of toilet paper so if you’re still dirty, it’s okay. It’s not like your whole rear-end gets soaked, it’s a very thin steam of water that targets just your butthole, with maybe a tiny bit of spray on the surrounding area
I’ve always just scooped water out of the toilet bowl to clean my arse. A bidet seems overkill.
It’s only surprising or strange the first time. If you aren’t acutely aware of how the water of a shower hits your skin every time you shower, then you won’t notice the bidet more than the first or second time.
So, how do you bidet to squeaky clean without touching your shit covered asshole? I know Indian people run water down the small of their back with a pitcher and wash that way, with their hand. Then they wash their hand. I’d like to avoid getting shit on my hands.
When you’re using a bidet with the underseat nozzle, imagine you’re washing dog shit off the sidewalk, except you’re the sidewalk. You do the bidet dance - shimmy your butt side-to-side as you scoot back-to-front. Fiddle with the strength of the stream until you find what’s still comfortable, but strong enough to knock all the poop loose. The sprayer-and-hose style of bidet means you don’t have to shimmy, but you have to be a bit more careful where you aim it. Blot dry with TP. Some TP works better with a bidet because it doesn’t disintegrate as easily when wet.
You still use toilet paper. Except now it’s just for drying
Ok I know that I have to dry my pooper when it’s wet, I don’t know why I’m getting down voted it was a serious question, my candor is abrasive maybe? I just don’t see how you can wash your ass without touching it, and I’m looking for technique recommendations so I can use one of these things.
It’s a sprayer pointed at your butt from under the toilet seat. You don’t need to touch it. You just turn it on.
Yeah but I just don’t see how it gets everything.
It does. It’s high pressure. Imagine a super soaker stream right on your butthole. It’s not some weak ass trickle of water like a water fountain or something
Would you trust the cleanliness of your butthole after using it to dry it off with your bath towel?
Are you currently trusting the cleanliness of your butthole after using only dry toilet paper?
It doesn’t. Not without being sprayed so strongly it’s really painful. Just use your hand and then wash well. You’ll be fine.
But I’m looking for a hands free solution!
It is hands free wiping, but with a spray nozzle. When I wiped with only TP, the chances of getting poop on my wrist/hand was much greater. Now it’s virtually none, and feels cleaner when you’re walking around later
I’ve read these tend to cause issues with your pipes though
Using one just like op described for a year. No issues. I miss it now when I have to poop away from home.
Get with bidets, America!
Away from home without a bidet… it’s the worst lol. My last stent was 3 months away from home, and felt like taking a step backwards in life
I’m struggling to imagine how a bidet could damage pipes.
What? I think you’re referring to wet wipes
I think you’re thinking of “flushable” wipes. Bidets are different
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That’s because I Google this question every day and reply to all of them.
It’s the lord’s work
🍋
GIF
Edit: also not sure what the preferred hosting site is, so please let me know if I did a no-no :)
For good reason. We can’t imagine going back to having a dirty asshole and we want you to join us