It’s been a rough month. Schools out so my young kiddo is home more. We’re butting heads. They want to see friends every day and I try but ya know, people have lives and can’t get together every day. Kiddo has been taking it out on me.
I’m going through perimenopause. Emotions are really out of whack. Things just feel heavy.
And then there’s my group of friends. My bestie is going through a separation. I was the go to for support. We talked just about every day, even if it was just through text. Well my friend moved in with mutual friends (kid free. Makes way more sense to move in with them) and…the drop off in communication is wild.
I guess I’m just feeling like I’m an after thought. We haven’t been invited to anything. Our invites have been rejected. In person interactions with my bestie feel strained. I’m trying to be understanding. Friend is going through shit. They feel safe and loved and happy. And I AM happy for them. I just wish I was there share in the joy as well
Anyway, last weekend I crashed out hard. This is our core group of friends and with my anxiety I just felt like we were losing them and I’ve been really down. I tried to download bumble bff to meet new people. But they require a phone number and I’m not interested in giving any app my number.
So what do I do? I signed up for a dance class. A burlesque dance class. Have I ever danced? Nope. Do I know anything about dance? Also no. I know I’ve always wanted to try it and so…here I am, going to take a random burlesque dance class for a few weeks with an optional performance.
It may not sound wild to most of you but this is SO far out of my comfort zone. I’m on my early 40s, going solo (in hopes of maybe meeting new people) and I can’t decide if I’m more terrified or excited.
It’s a weird time. Even if our friend group is fine and this is just a phase, I still want to put myself out there and find more people. I’ve never been one to have a lot of friends. I like close knit groups. I guess that’s why this feels weird.
My next goal is to find a needle point group. And maybe look into a beginners d&d group.
I’m also try to set a good example for my kiddo. You have to try new things all the time. Its how we grow. And I may be in my 40s but I’m not done yet. There’s still a bunch of things I want to try.
Thanks for listening! Happy Monday y’all.
At the risk of being a massive downer, parenting has been an incredibly lonely experience for me. I do have a couple of little glimmers of friendship that I’m following up on. I try all kinds of stuff but it’s just been difficult to connect with people. I think people are giving 100% in a lot of areas of their lives and are just out of energy
It’s SO difficult! This core group of friends love our kiddo and often includes them in our activities. And now we finally have a proper babysitter so we actually get adult time which is so important, because I get it. Adults without kids don’t want to always be around kids.
And you’re right. My anxiety is telling its me, I’m the problem but in alll actuality its probably everyone just dealing with their own shit trying to get through life. It just feels more personal when 3 of the 5 people in the group are living together have a grand time and it feels like we’ve been excluded.