WASHINGTON—Shedding light on the enduring appeal behind assault rifle ownership, a Pew study released Monday revealed that more Americans were buying AR-15s to defend themselves from toddlers who found their guns. “Many Americans stressed that they felt safer knowing they had an AR-15 at the ready in case their toddler stumbled across a shoebox holding a loaded gun on the floor of a closet and started firing away,” said researcher Jonathan Lieu, noting that the majority of AR-15 owners told his team they purchased the lightweight rifle due to their recurring fears about waking in the night to their 2-year-old giggling as they shot bullet holes through the bedroom door. “One response we often heard was that it was a Second Amendment right for gun owners to defend themselves against their own young children. They also stressed that a baseball bat or pepper spray simply wasn’t enough firepower to take down their gun-toting kids.” Lieu added that many Americans also rushed out to purchase tear gas grenades after their children inevitably got their hands on the AR-15s.

  • @paddirn
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    81 year ago

    It’s obviously satire, we buy AR-15s to protect ourselves from people ringing our doorbells.

    • @FordBeeblebrox
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      71 year ago

      Or if we need to go to Starbucks and clear the room of any wokeness before ordering that latte.

      • seahorse [Ohio]M
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        61 year ago

        Customer: “I’d like a latte with oat milk”

        Guy with AR: deactivates safety on rifle