I found a kickass stick 4 years ago in the Smokies the weekend my wife and I got married. It’s literally the perfect stick. Straight, smooth, nice thickness, durable as hell. Must be of a rare hardwood variety, I would imagine. I still have that stick in the corner and I see it everyday when I’m sitting at my PC. Have I ever used it for anything? I wouldn’t dare. It’s too nice of a stick to just use on a whim. Why do I keep it around? Well, if I ever had a problem that required a really nice fuckin stick, I’m covered. Every year or so, my wife says to me, “JPSound, you still have that stick?! Why do you keep that thing around?” I look that woman dead in the eyes and say, “there will come a day, my bride, when the creator of all shall lay before us an obstacle, nay, a challenge that only a mighty stick of such grandeur may aid us in such a lofty trial. And this stick, my dearest, this stick awaits our call to guide us into the sunkissed valley of victory so sweet. Only then shall you see what I see. Know what I know now, that this mear stick, is far more than it seems. Then you will know, I am the mighty protector of this home and family. You will see, my love. You will see.” Then she usually just rolls her eyes and says, “whatever… I gotta run to the grocery store. Do you need anything special?” And I respond with a mighty boom, “yeah, that fancy chocolate milk I like, please.”
I found a kickass stick 4 years ago in the Smokies the weekend my wife and I got married. It’s literally the perfect stick. Straight, smooth, nice thickness, durable as hell. Must be of a rare hardwood variety, I would imagine. I still have that stick in the corner and I see it everyday when I’m sitting at my PC. Have I ever used it for anything? I wouldn’t dare. It’s too nice of a stick to just use on a whim. Why do I keep it around? Well, if I ever had a problem that required a really nice fuckin stick, I’m covered. Every year or so, my wife says to me, “JPSound, you still have that stick?! Why do you keep that thing around?” I look that woman dead in the eyes and say, “there will come a day, my bride, when the creator of all shall lay before us an obstacle, nay, a challenge that only a mighty stick of such grandeur may aid us in such a lofty trial. And this stick, my dearest, this stick awaits our call to guide us into the sunkissed valley of victory so sweet. Only then shall you see what I see. Know what I know now, that this mear stick, is far more than it seems. Then you will know, I am the mighty protector of this home and family. You will see, my love. You will see.” Then she usually just rolls her eyes and says, “whatever… I gotta run to the grocery store. Do you need anything special?” And I respond with a mighty boom, “yeah, that fancy chocolate milk I like, please.”
I may never get another chance to share this with the world, so may I present to you…
Dude that may be the most perfect stick I’ve ever seen.
That IS a really good stick
That stick did not dissapoint
That’s a pretty fantastic stick.
I read your whole comment and I was skeptical. But you’re totally right about everything.
Missed opportunity! It was Fanta”stick”
groan
roll eyes
This is a one bitching stick.
Shit, that’s a nice stick.
Amazing!
That’s a nice fuckin stick
I have to admit, I thought you were exaggerating. But that’s a damn fine stick.
That’s a fantastic stick. Don’t throw it away.
That is a quality fuckin stick my man.
Would that I had such a perfect stick… I can’t blame you for not using it. Just don’t let the dust collect on it!
I’ve never worked with wood, but I imagine a layer of mineral oil could keep it looking great.
That is one helluva nice stick.
Damn. That’s a helluva stick. You better treasure that
It has a 1.5x buff for dark damage! Rare drop
1d6+2 bludgeoning damage 1d6 earth damage +2 charisma
You undersold it!
Nice stick bro. Excellent length, nice girth.
nice stick my man
Damn dude nice stick
Nice stick bro
That’s a nice fuckin stick right there, king
Nice stick!
That’s a really nice stick!
Holy hell what a nice stick!
wow this really is the perfect stick
Gandalf’s stick is jealous of this.
Really good stick just the perfect thickness nice slight bend too the plant which came from nailed it … Must be glorified
You should make a glass case for it with a decal “Break Glass In Case Of Emergency”
Nice.
Thanks for the stick pic!
Wow! That’s fantastick!
Bruh that stick is dope. Keep it safe, the fate of the world may depend upon it.
Fantastick !
Damn, nice stick!
That is a nice stick.
May I add my compliments and salutations to the already extensive list? Extensive as the beauty represented by that stick, of course
Top tier stick my dude
Stick!
deleted by creator
Memories of the wedding that weekend? Spotty at best.
Memories of finding that stick? Near photographic.
And the stick was FREE, like all the best things in life.
I want the money. It’s what I want.
Are you Nick Offerman? Because this sounds very much like his writing style.
Also, it’s spelled “mere”, not “mear”.
You’re lucky – whenever you can’t remember the date of your anniversary, just look up the date you got married
Man this is great. I need to upgrade from the Home Depot Sticks of Justice we keep around the house, just in case.