Senate GOP Leader Mitch McConnell bluntly warned Republican senators in a private meeting not to sign on to a bill from Sen. Josh Hawley aimed at limiting corporate money bankrolling high-powered outside groups, telling them that many of them won their seats thanks to the powerful super PAC the Kentucky Republican has long controlled.
McConnell’s undeath can only be maintained by a constant flow of bribery cash. Nonexistent campaign finance law is where he hides his phylactery.
Okay, this needs to be the plot of an urban fantasy political thriller immediately. That’s amazing!
He transforms into his original form of a tortoise and eats the donation cash as though it were lettuce.
A cosmic dark lord turtle?
Nothing quite that cool, he’s just a Tort-Lich summoned by Russian interests.
With four White Elephants on his shell supporting a Flat Earth?
(With apologizes to Terry Pratdhett)