Your early relationship with your caregivers sets the stage for how you will build relationships as an adult. Your attachment style shows how you relate to other people.
If I am understanding you correctly, you’re saying you may be avoiding relationships because you don’t think you are good enough for potentially compatible partners. That’s a bit out of the purview of this post, and I’d like to encourage you to be curious and examine how this core belief might affect you and where it came from.
I don’t like pathologizing people, but I also like to spread awareness, so take a look at avoidant personality disorder - it’s basically an extreme version of what you are describing. In no way am I saying you have it, just that it fits the notion of avoiding relationships because of perceived inadequacy.
Something important to know about attachment styles is that you can have a different style with different people. For example, you might be securely attached to your mother, but have an anxious attachment style with most romantic partners. Styles can change throughout lifetime, too.
So you can think back to the last time you had a relationship to see how you behaved then. There are some other traits that tend to correspond to one’s predominant attachment style.
People with an avoidant style tend to be “fixers,” have rigid boundaries, avoid conflict, and find it easier to spend time alone (it’s also hard for them to transition from being alone to being with others).
People with an anxious style tend to be “feelers,” have loose/porous boundaries, become overly emotional in conflict, and have a preference for being with other people, finding it hard to transition from that to being alone.
If I am understanding you correctly, you’re saying you may be avoiding relationships because you don’t think you are good enough for potentially compatible partners. That’s a bit out of the purview of this post, and I’d like to encourage you to be curious and examine how this core belief might affect you and where it came from.
I don’t like pathologizing people, but I also like to spread awareness, so take a look at avoidant personality disorder - it’s basically an extreme version of what you are describing. In no way am I saying you have it, just that it fits the notion of avoiding relationships because of perceived inadequacy.
Something important to know about attachment styles is that you can have a different style with different people. For example, you might be securely attached to your mother, but have an anxious attachment style with most romantic partners. Styles can change throughout lifetime, too.
So you can think back to the last time you had a relationship to see how you behaved then. There are some other traits that tend to correspond to one’s predominant attachment style.
People with an avoidant style tend to be “fixers,” have rigid boundaries, avoid conflict, and find it easier to spend time alone (it’s also hard for them to transition from being alone to being with others).
People with an anxious style tend to be “feelers,” have loose/porous boundaries, become overly emotional in conflict, and have a preference for being with other people, finding it hard to transition from that to being alone.