Please, can someone be so kind and explain me why choking has become such a fetish/kink?
I’m already aware of the mechanics behind it but I want to understand what motivates someone to turn a life threatning situation into sexually pleasing.
It doesn’t and shouldn’t be life threatening. It’s the feeling of light-headedness that enhances everything else that also surrounds that kink. You’re actually not supposed to choke your windpipe but instead squeeze the sides of the neck to slow down but not stop blood flow. If done right and for short amounts of time it shouldn’t be life threatening at all. Of course with like everything else there’s a lot of people who don’t know/don’t care about the proper way to do it and end up just chocking their windpipe and stopping their breathing, which is extremely dangerous.
In the interest of disclosure, I don’t have a choking kink - but I’ve also been on the internet for nearly three decades at this point so who even knows anymore.
My understanding is that a large part of it is trust. The chokee is quite literally putting their life in someone else’s hands and saying, “I trust you enough to do this without killing me.” Of course, throw it into casual relationships and it kind of muddies that a little bit - after all, how can you trust someone you just met at a bar/on Tinder/etc. enough to know that they won’t kill you? But I think that’s where it starts, anyway.
Rape play is the most common kink. You are, after all, an animal with a specific genetic history. Wind back the clock a few centuries and it makes a bit more sense. Thankfully, these days we can do it consentingly. To answer your question, it’s complicated and involves trusting your partner.
I dont see how basic bdsm is a trend. Seems like every generation has a bdsm awakening at some point, everyone gets used to it, forgets about it or continues to play. Then after another 10-15 years it comes back.
My partner is super shy about it. She said she fantasizes about being taken advantage of, but obviously she would hate it irl. It’s a role play thing; there’s lots of, “you okay? Do you need me to stop? Etc…”, and then right back into the dirty talk. It doesn’t have to be an asphyxiation/ lightheaded thing either. It’s a lot like getting whipped, having your hair pulled, getting bit/ scratched, etc…
I think a lot of it has to do with how women and sex are depicted in the media, and that creates fetishes growing up. Some people also like certain parts of the body. I noticed most people who like to get choked, like hands.
Are you expecting some kind of rational answer? A fetish or kink is basically defined by the sexual desire for something irrational. You can ask how that desire feels to possess or how one goes about playing out that desire in a safe consentual way… but you can’t really ask why, why doesn’t really come into it. It is sex, all of it is weird.
I guess for any fetish, this many people have always had it.
Since it’s easier now to find others that enjoy it, they’re more comfortable talking about it openly?
So here’s my theory on masochistic kinks in general.
Sexual pleasure can be an escape from pain or negative emotions
Using sexual pleasure to escape from some pain, via the mechanism known as “classical conditioning” makes that pain a trigger for the sexual response. It creates an (at least one-way) association from the pain to the sexual release.
Anticipation of sexual release triggers preparation for it, ie arousal
So I’m gonna talk about some dark shit here. Let’s say a woman is about to be killed by a mugger in an alley. He’s beating the shit out of her because he’s a sadist and the mugging is just an excuse to himself, to get violent with people. She, or that monster part of her that comes out when her life is threatened, to protect her, decides to try and reframe the situation as sexual in order to maybe survive. So she seduces him. It works. He stops being violent with her. It’s like, it’s an act but she knows it has to be convincing enough to save her life so she gets into it, to be convincing.
It’s just fire together, wire together stuff. Painful, ugly, shameful, or disturbing experiences get associated with later sexual “reward” (in the technical, operant conditioning sense of the word), and that gets reinforced through repeated activation if the person indulges in it.
TL;DR:
Some pain or a negative emotion experience precedes sexual release in time
Preceding in time creates classically-conditioned association. Pain now activates sexual pathways
One thing that creates consistent preceding-in-time relationship is using sex as escape from negative emotions
One example (given above) is woman who escapes being killed by having sex with attacker
Another would be a guy who is humiliated and it’s unbearable so he jerks off just to feel something positive
Please, can someone be so kind and explain me why choking has become such a fetish/kink?
I’m already aware of the mechanics behind it but I want to understand what motivates someone to turn a life threatning situation into sexually pleasing.
It doesn’t and shouldn’t be life threatening. It’s the feeling of light-headedness that enhances everything else that also surrounds that kink. You’re actually not supposed to choke your windpipe but instead squeeze the sides of the neck to slow down but not stop blood flow. If done right and for short amounts of time it shouldn’t be life threatening at all. Of course with like everything else there’s a lot of people who don’t know/don’t care about the proper way to do it and end up just chocking their windpipe and stopping their breathing, which is extremely dangerous.
As I state above, I’m already aware of the mechanics.
What I am hoping for is someone sharing what impulse turned a warning sign into a pleasure trigger for them.
In the interest of disclosure, I don’t have a choking kink - but I’ve also been on the internet for nearly three decades at this point so who even knows anymore.
My understanding is that a large part of it is trust. The chokee is quite literally putting their life in someone else’s hands and saying, “I trust you enough to do this without killing me.” Of course, throw it into casual relationships and it kind of muddies that a little bit - after all, how can you trust someone you just met at a bar/on Tinder/etc. enough to know that they won’t kill you? But I think that’s where it starts, anyway.
Rape play is the most common kink. You are, after all, an animal with a specific genetic history. Wind back the clock a few centuries and it makes a bit more sense. Thankfully, these days we can do it consentingly. To answer your question, it’s complicated and involves trusting your partner.
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I dont see how basic bdsm is a trend. Seems like every generation has a bdsm awakening at some point, everyone gets used to it, forgets about it or continues to play. Then after another 10-15 years it comes back.
My partner is super shy about it. She said she fantasizes about being taken advantage of, but obviously she would hate it irl. It’s a role play thing; there’s lots of, “you okay? Do you need me to stop? Etc…”, and then right back into the dirty talk. It doesn’t have to be an asphyxiation/ lightheaded thing either. It’s a lot like getting whipped, having your hair pulled, getting bit/ scratched, etc…
I think a lot of it has to do with how women and sex are depicted in the media, and that creates fetishes growing up. Some people also like certain parts of the body. I noticed most people who like to get choked, like hands.
Are you expecting some kind of rational answer? A fetish or kink is basically defined by the sexual desire for something irrational. You can ask how that desire feels to possess or how one goes about playing out that desire in a safe consentual way… but you can’t really ask why, why doesn’t really come into it. It is sex, all of it is weird.
I am, in fact. People can be extremely coherent explaining why something floats their boat and some other thing does not.
Feet, ankles, legs, tits, ass, pork and beans, ballons, clowns, wiped cream, chips, dips, chains and wips…
Most people can explain why something appeals to them.
But what I specifically want is a rationalization for why choking as become such a mainstream fetish lately.
I guess for any fetish, this many people have always had it. Since it’s easier now to find others that enjoy it, they’re more comfortable talking about it openly?
Are you asking what the appeal of it is or why is it popular?
At this point, both.
People just want to try something new I imagine. It is entry level BDSM and you don’t have to buy (or hide) any equipment.
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Tricking the body to release it’s natural pain killers which also feels really good.
Because the brain weirdly likes it. Oxygen deprivation can lead to a felling of being high or being more aware.
So here’s my theory on masochistic kinks in general.
So I’m gonna talk about some dark shit here. Let’s say a woman is about to be killed by a mugger in an alley. He’s beating the shit out of her because he’s a sadist and the mugging is just an excuse to himself, to get violent with people. She, or that monster part of her that comes out when her life is threatened, to protect her, decides to try and reframe the situation as sexual in order to maybe survive. So she seduces him. It works. He stops being violent with her. It’s like, it’s an act but she knows it has to be convincing enough to save her life so she gets into it, to be convincing.
It’s just fire together, wire together stuff. Painful, ugly, shameful, or disturbing experiences get associated with later sexual “reward” (in the technical, operant conditioning sense of the word), and that gets reinforced through repeated activation if the person indulges in it.
TL;DR:
This might help.