today was supposed to be my first day of therapy and the therapist didn’t show up. I’m pissed off. I wasted 2 hours for nothing.

I’ve sent her a polite message, asking if she’s sick and hoping she is well, but in reality I wanted to yell at her. However, if I yell at her, chances are she won’t treat me.

Before you suggest to find another therapist, finding a shrink where I live is very difficult and the other ones I contacted have either ignored me or are overbooked. I need therapy and it bothers me to be so dependent on one person.

For those of you who have experienced something similar, how doesn’t it bother you?

  • @bluespin
    56•5 months ago

    Ironically, these are the sorts of questions you should be asking a therapist. More general advice is to only allow yourself to stress about things in your control. There’s a lot of shittiness in the world, and stressing over it is poison to your mental well-being. Focus on what you can change and let go of anything beyond that. It helps me to try giving people the benefit of the doubt, e.g. imagine a scenario where your therapist ghosting you is justifiable - maybe a close family member of theirs was in an accident - and choose to believe that. While it may not always be correct, this is a much better way to live for your part.

    • @[email protected]
      11•5 months ago

      Adding to that, don’t stress about things that are still up in the air, once the therapist has responded with a bad reason for missing the appointment there is plenty of time to get stressed about all the potential repercussions, no need to imagine worst cases while you don’t have all the relevant information yet.

      • @KaTaRaNaGa
        11•5 months ago

        “Don’t stress” is terrible advice to someone who has no experience of control over what upsets them, which seems to be an issue OP deals with.

        You’re a human being in the body of a human animal. While you can try to use your thoughts to fix/rationalize/justify your feelings, I suspect you’ve already made those attempts with limited success.

        OP, here are 2 implementable suggestions:

        • DO stress. If you’re already in that state, trying to force yourself to feel another way will make it worse. Let yourself feel what you feel. Have the experience of allowing the sensations in your body to be what they are. If the sensations involve pressure, heat, discomfort, tension, etc, have them. If you find yourself having new sensations in reaction to the feelings you experience, have those new ones too. This kind of somatic practice can help you discover a new way of experiencing life that your mind doesn’t dominate.

        • Pick a breathing exercise and do it for 2 minute, 2 minutes, 5 minutes, whatever works. Doesn’t matter which one, as long as it doesn’t have an end goal. Breathwork can help you discover the different modes of being in your experience.

        • @bluespin
          8•5 months ago

          Dismissing advice that doesn’t work for you personally isn’t helpful - different strokes and all. I’ve dealt with anxiety and have found that rationalizing emotional responses to events outside my control normally works well for me. Ultimately, there’s no one-size solution, so people need to try different approaches to find what works for them. A variety of perspectives is always best

          • @KaTaRaNaGa
            0•5 months ago

            I’m pushing back on the notion that telling someone “don’t stress” is in any way helpful.

            They would already be not stressed if an obstacle didn’t come up. Telling them to not stress is akin to telling them to not be depressed or to just chill out. There’s no pathway to how. There’s no meeting someone where they’re at. There’s just a well-meaning person lacking emotional tooling to support another.

            There are lots of ways to actually provide the support. There are lots of ways for a person to reset their nervous system. “Don’t stress” isn’t either.

            • @bluespin
              3•5 months ago

              No one is saying simply “don’t stress”. Recognizing when stress is centered around something outside your influence can be a step toward dealing with it. That may not work for some, but it does for others - as I said, different strokes. Making a broad generalization about what is and isn’t good advice is reductive and only shuts down advice that may help OP

      • @Donkter
        1•5 months ago

        Actually, in this case is could be irony. OP lives his life as someone who needs therapy, then when they go to get the therapy the therapist doesn’t show up.

        I suppose it would be more like irony if their therapist needed therapy.