I’m trans, came out just a couple of months ago. I don’t post about this on Lemmy very often (if at all), but it’s been a struggle. My dysphoria - in a nutshell, the incongruency between what I see in the mirror and what I want to look like as a woman - has had a profound effect on me. I’m pushing fifty, and I can honestly say transitioning is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.

I have good days and bad days. Today is a good day, but on the bad ones I feel as though I look like Quark in the DS9 episode “Profit and Lace.” I’ll tell myself all kinds of awful, self-hating transphobic things like “you’re just a man in a dress” or “ugh what is that thing” or “freak” or “you’ll never be a real woman.” What a repulsive thing to say to yourself, how terribly unkind. I have specific issues with my facial hair, which are being addressed, but things like that take time. It’s like I’m fighting a battle against my own body, something I think most people can’t easily relate to. It’s hard to be patient while living in this (emotionally) painful in-between state, not knowing if I’ll ever be happy with myself. If it weren’t for my incredibly supportive wife, I’m not sure where I’d be right now.

Yeah, today is a good day. For now, at least. I feel safe and comfortable posting this here, you guys have always been a supportive and accepting community and I’d like to say thank you for that. Maybe I should start posting in the blahaj instance rather than bombarding you guys with this. Anyway, I’m gonna sign off for a while, I got my hands full at work today and gotta focus. Thanks for letting me vent.

  • gregorumEnglish
    16•9 months ago

    Let me be the first to say that, before anything else, you’re welcome here. You’re loved and accepted for who and what you are. Never feel any shame or lack of acceptance. We are all here for you ❤️ And those that aren’t will be dealt with. Swiftly.

    Trek is for everyone, and it exemplifies a utopian ideal of what the best of humanity hopes it could eventually evolve to be. It also simultaneously acknowledges the flaws of our past, that being our present, in the struggles we still face in the future, as an allegory to our present. It’s full of social and political commentary, trying to teach us lessons about equity and equality, and how we view those who are different than ourselves, and how to better relate to them as no different than us as people of need, of want, of humanity, and how we can better ourselves, our society, and civilization by moving past judgments and prejudices and bigotry to look outward and towards the betterment of all civilization by moving boldly forward beyond such prejudices and bigotry and leaving judgments behind.

    But, of course, that draws a stark contrast to a future ideal and the world of today, where we do not live in that utopia… yet. The work we have to do to get there, and the ideal of acceptance and tolerance are a great effort we have yet to achieve. It does provide all of us comfort that one day things will be better, but still, today, things are so difficult for many of us for those ideals - that utopia - remains so far out of grasp. We all realize that, and that’s why we have this community. Welcome to it.

    Edit: and best of luck on your journey of Self discovery. Go boldly forward, and know that we’re all here for you! ❤️🏳️‍🌈🖖🏻

    Edit 2: Spelling and grammar

    • StametsM
      12•9 months ago

      And those that aren’t will be dealt with. Swiftly.

      This message has been mod approved.

      I mean the whole thing, but also very much this too.

      <3

      • gregorumEnglish
        9•9 months ago

        There are few things for which I would speak for the mods, buddy, but I felt confident on this one 🖖🏻

    • Kelly Aster 🏳️‍⚧️OP
      3•9 months ago

      Thank you gregorum. I hear you, we’re not quite there yet. Yes, we’re still waaay off the mark when it comes to acceptance and tolerance and just plain treating others who are different with a bit of decency; in a lot of ways, it feels like we’ve gone backwards lately. I’ve often said that as a whole, humanity is gonna have to grow the fuck up if it’s ever going to reach the stars and try to live in sort of utopian world. I have hope, but man, it is gonna be a tough one to pull off.

      Yeah, we have some challenges ahead. That’s why it’s so important to hold on to those ideals. Omg I am so high. ❤️ Thank you so much for your kind words.

      • gregorumEnglish
        3•9 months ago

        We as a society may be far from the mark, but you can always come here for love and support. Anytime, you need kind words, you know where to go. And we will always be here for you. ❤️🏳️‍🌈🖖🏻