In my experience as AFAB with a more monotone, less femme voice, I got ‘you sound bossy’ ‘you sound like a bitch’ or just ignored until I ‘asked nicely’ which meant ‘sound subservient’.
It has caused me so much trouble in sounding authoritative, because I always had to be high pitched to be heard, but deep pitched to actually be listened to.
Framed as well meaning, oh-honey advice from older women, I’ve heard that or some shade of it at least 100 times since around 8yo, I don’t think it’s rare, unfortunately.
It went hand it hand with “the bellies that show are the first to swell”, which my store manager said to me at 17yo, the comments that other girls should keep their boyfriends (my friends) away from me, all the weird punishing ingrained misogyny bullshit women do to each other in US gender culture.
As soon as I got secondary sex characteristics, I started getting in trouble for just, like, existing
If I could go back and do it again, I would fucking embrace it.
She should use that voice to defend her autonomy, and to sound like herself. Seriously.
I work in hard science IT, and as I shed my feminine vocal habits, my job is easier. People listen to me more. My life is better, I’m not forcing my thoughts through a Play-Doh mold of intonation.
It can absolutely be a skill, because it will set her apart!
I think part of the reason why a deeper voice is heard more might be because it sounds more sincere. The high pitched voice can sound a little patronizing and unnatural. It’s the voice moms use on their kids when they want them to do something (like chores) but don’t wanna yell at them. It’s difficult to work with someone who you think is using a “nice” voice on you to try to manipulate you into agreeing and doing what they want, with the implication that you’re angry and will be punished for not being obedient. That’s what that tone sounds like to me.
Oh that’s absolutely what I do now. I’m some shade of gender fluid/NB, and my phone voice goes so high pitched when I’m stressed that it makes me very uncomfortable. I’m rooting it out.
I’m amazed at how much differently people respond to me, depending on the gender mannerisms I use.
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In my experience as AFAB with a more monotone, less femme voice, I got ‘you sound bossy’ ‘you sound like a bitch’ or just ignored until I ‘asked nicely’ which meant ‘sound subservient’.
It has caused me so much trouble in sounding authoritative, because I always had to be high pitched to be heard, but deep pitched to actually be listened to.
What kind of inexcusably rude asshole has said that to you?
Even if I don’t care for someone’s voice (I’m in Indiana and the Hoosier twang can be highly irritating to me), I don’t say anything about it.
Framed as well meaning, oh-honey advice from older women, I’ve heard that or some shade of it at least 100 times since around 8yo, I don’t think it’s rare, unfortunately.
It went hand it hand with “the bellies that show are the first to swell”, which my store manager said to me at 17yo, the comments that other girls should keep their boyfriends (my friends) away from me, all the weird punishing ingrained misogyny bullshit women do to each other in US gender culture.
As soon as I got secondary sex characteristics, I started getting in trouble for just, like, existing
My daughter has a low-pitched somewhat monotonal voice even at 13. How wonderful to hear what she’s in for the rest of her life.
If I could go back and do it again, I would fucking embrace it.
She should use that voice to defend her autonomy, and to sound like herself. Seriously.
I work in hard science IT, and as I shed my feminine vocal habits, my job is easier. People listen to me more. My life is better, I’m not forcing my thoughts through a Play-Doh mold of intonation.
It can absolutely be a skill, because it will set her apart!
She is a unique person in many ways, so I’m not worried about that. It just sucks that people will give her shit for her voice.
The only problem with the monotone thing is she’s basically tone deaf, but she’s fine with that.
Ha me too. I’m bad with controlling my voice in general, tone and volume included, and it gets harder when I’m tired lol
I think part of the reason why a deeper voice is heard more might be because it sounds more sincere. The high pitched voice can sound a little patronizing and unnatural. It’s the voice moms use on their kids when they want them to do something (like chores) but don’t wanna yell at them. It’s difficult to work with someone who you think is using a “nice” voice on you to try to manipulate you into agreeing and doing what they want, with the implication that you’re angry and will be punished for not being obedient. That’s what that tone sounds like to me.
I mean, that’s the problem in a nutshell.
My feminine voice only carries weight as maternal/bossy/bitchy authority, and that fucks me over constantly. Just like this.
Have you tried intentionally lowering the pitch of your voice and speaking even louder? Serious question, seems like the only possible response
Oh that’s absolutely what I do now. I’m some shade of gender fluid/NB, and my phone voice goes so high pitched when I’m stressed that it makes me very uncomfortable. I’m rooting it out.
I’m amazed at how much differently people respond to me, depending on the gender mannerisms I use.