• @Contramuffin
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    38 months ago

    Out of curiosity, what are some examples of what you would consider to be dealbreakers?

    • @QualifiedKitten
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      38 months ago

      Oh man, I’ve really slowed down my dating, so it’s hard to remember many of them. I know some of these are actually reasonable, but others are just me looking for faults/expecting perfection:

      • Is a night owl
      • Works in a field that requires odd hours
      • Isn’t 100% against having kids (most recent one said they didn’t mind either way, which makes me worried they’ll eventually realize they want kids)
      • Has children, even if they’re already adults
      • Laughs weird
      • Previously married (most recent one lost their previous partner to cancer a few years ago)
      • Not regularly physically active
      • Has dietary restrictions/allergies
      • Doesn’t drink alcohol ever
      • Obvious political differences
      • Doesn’t like cats and/or my cats are scared of them
      • Has a dog, especially if it’s small and/or if they take it everywhere
      • Has “weird” pets, like snakes or spiders
      • Has a messy home
      • Still lives with their parents
      • @Contramuffin
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        8 months ago

        Thanks for the candid answer. I understand the urge to nitpick. Although, for the life of me I can’t understand how having a dog could be a negative. I feel like at worst that would just be a neutral? I’m guessing you’re not a dog person?

        • @QualifiedKitten
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          28 months ago

          I’m just not thrilled about the idea of sharing a home with a dog, and cohabitation is something I’d like in a long term romantic relationship. I grew up with dogs, and lots of friends family have dogs, so it’s not an absolute, 100% deal breaker, but I hate when they jump on me, I don’t enjoy their “kisses”, and I’m easily irritated by many of the noises they make when I’m chilling quietly at home. I’m also easily irritated by noises that humans make when sharing close quarters, but it’s rare to really notice those on a first date.

          I also live in a dense area with very few private yards, so anyone I’m dating likely has a similar living situation, making it so that dating a dog owner has more overlaps than I’d like compared with dating a single parent of a young child. If you want to take an overnight trip together somewhere, you either have to bring the dog/child along, or you have to find a sitter.

          On top of that, I have young adult cats, so the possibility of eventually moving in together becomes much more complicated.

      • @[email protected]
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        fedilink
        28 months ago

        Doesn’t drink alcohol ever

        Wow, call me triggered here XD I’m interested what your reasoning here is.

        • @QualifiedKitten
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          18 months ago

          You could probably describe me as a “functional alcoholic”, so I find it pretty hard to imagine that I could be compatible with someone who never drinks. If I were to casually get to know someone through platonic interactions (mutual friends, sports, classes, etc.), I might be able to get to know someone well enough where it could work, but if the initial “get to know you” phase is through 1 on 1 dates, I just can’t see it working out.