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Authorities in the Russian Republic of Chechnya have announced a ban on music that they consider too fast or slow.
Authorities in the Russian Republic of Chechnya have announced a ban on music that they consider too fast or slow.
Music too fast? Straight to jail.
Music too slow? Believe it or not, straight to jail.
Just a little bit too perfect? Burned for witchcraft
and after the burning, whatever is left, straight to jail.
Sounds like a healthy form of governance. People can’t be trusted to manage tempo on their own. They should do this for heart rates as well.
Checks out. If your heart rate is too slow or too fast you’re probably doing a sin.
VladBit health health trackers now mandatory. Better keep yours charged up or gulag for you.
We have the technology
Straight to jail! Right away!
Thanks to jail we have the most moderate musical tempo in the world!