AUSTIN, TX—In the latest round of layoffs for the company’s struggling automotive division, electric vehicle manufacturer Tesla fired the entire team behind brakes, sources confirmed Wednesday. “As we continue to rightsize the Tesla workforce, we have come to the decision that stopping the car is no longer a critical function,” said CEO Elon Musk, whose announcement came as a shock to the team of 500 Tesla workers responsible for the electric vehicles’ braking systems. “As the brakes never really worked anyway, we figured the team’s existence was redundant. Going forward, none of our models will be outfitted with brakes. Instead, we will shift our efforts to making fart noises louder.” At press time, Tesla staffers responsible for wheels were reportedly nervous after receiving an ominous meeting request from HR.
brakes are woke and socialist and full of CRT, real Americans stick their foot out the door and shred their boots on the road to stop their car
Capitalism doesn’t need to stop, brakes are for commies
Real Americans just buy a bigger truck and let momentum do its job.
Real AmericansTM already having braking procedures figured out.
it was good enough for Fred Flintstone, it’s good enough for me.