Dog #1 loves to lay on the floor. Usually in spots where we regularly pass through, for example in front of the bathroom door or in front of the living room door. It wouldn’t be an issue if she is a small dog, but she is a big dog around 40 kilograms.

Dog #2 is usually quiet, nearly mute. Except when Dog #1 is blocking her way by laying on the floor. Then she gets nervous and starts a mixture of barking and whimpering until she can pass through somehow. I’ve never heard a dog make such weird ass noises as she does.

Dog #2 also likes to lick everything that gets in her reach, hands, arms, faces, shoes, other dogs.

My cat has a spot right next to my bed where she sits and stares at me. She looks like she needs something, that’s where she sits to meow when she needs something. But she doesn’t. Not relaxing, sitting upright staring right at me. Frequently, for long periods, at any time. When I’m sleeping, on my phone, watching TV, doing anything in bed. She just sits there staring right out of arms reach, and will leave if I try to grab her.

She also licks a lot, too much. Blankets, pillows, me.

I’m not a pet owner anymore, unfortunately, but I have a few to share.

My first dog was able to recognize the sound of my father’s car from the street, and would make sure that everyone in the entire building knew that she recognised the sound. She would bark from the moment the car appeared on the street, until my father was at home. We eventually managed to convince her to bark a little less, but even then, she would still bark a few times. Problem is, my father would frequently come back from work late at night!

My second dog loved to jump. Like, seriously, he was the world champion of jumping. He didn’t know how to run, he trotted and jumped to gain speed. When somebody entered our home, he would come to them and jump around them. A lot. Sometimes we were forced to put him in another room and close the door so that he wouldn’t greet our guests. He was very dumb. A very playful fella, though.

Well, one of my dogs chews at the butt so dang loud and hard that I swear they get a cardio workout as a result. This dog also has a cat like behavior of seemingly wanting both in and out from the patio. She will spend a grand total of 2 min outside and want back in only to want back out a few min later. She also has gotten sassier with age. Love her stupid stinking face. Totally not petter her right now or anything.

My cat loves to run into the linen closet every time it opens . It’s also where my dad’s ashes are , so I tell her " no you can’t hang out with my dead dad !"

Our cat will follow us around the house, screaming, until we either sit with him in our lap (human heating pad) or put him in his heated bed but remain near (human security blanket). He’s a sweet cat and has arthritis, so I get it. But sometimes we gotta make dinner, bro.

Our dog will constantly and shamelessly be nearby when food is present, whether we are cooking, eating, feeding the cat, doesn’t matter. His previous owner gave him human food all the time. He completely deflates when you tell him to go lie down. When we cook, we just let him be in the way, next to the screaming cat 🤷‍♀️

So, this is probably my fault, because I thought it’d be fun to teach my cat, Porkchop, to sit on my shoulder.

I did not teach him that when I’m peeing at 3am without a shirt on, is not the best time for this.

My one cat actually whines. When she has to get up from when she’s comfortable, when she has to move, when I need to pick her up and physically place her somewhere, etc.

Like an actual child, when in cat terms, she’s a damn grown woman haha!

My wonderful sweet lady dog has been scooping up turds with her mouth like a hungry hippo. One chomp, down the hatch. Although just recently, she was trying to sneak in a frozen one. 🤮

My dog will 100% of the time eat my other dog’s poop in the backyard and occasionally throws it up inside the house if we miss picking it up…defeats the convenience of having a backyard for them to do their business.

One sneezes in your face, one pisses in the bath, and we’re pretty sure the third one has cat autism or some auditory dysfunction as the slightest noise (doorbell, motorbike, house noises) sends him into a panic, which in turn becomes violence. And he’s almost 20lbs, which can do a lot of damage when it’s launching at you with claws out.

My dog will throw his toys and play with them on his own, which is great and super cute. But he will toss a ball under the couch or coffee table where he can’t reach it, then start whining incessantly at me to go retrieve it, even if I am working and on a video call.

Mine has been waking me up at 5AM for years and now he has decided to move to 3:30 AM.

My dog goes absolutely apeshit when there is a non-human creature on TV. At first I thought he was just barking at dogs on the TV. Then it was any kind of animal. Then he started identifying and barking at any non-human. I mean like… I couldnt watch Lord of the Rings because he would bark at dwarves, elves, and Orcs. It’s fucking insane. And it’s not just live action stuff. The animated mucinex blob guy? Bark fest. Bluey the animated dog that walks upright on 2 legs? Bark fest. I used to love watching nature documentaries, and movies with aliens… I can’t anymore, because my dog thinks that these creatures teleported into our living room and he needs to alert us to save our lives. And it’s not like he would even stand a chance in any kind of face-off with these things. He’s a 25lb mini labradoodle. The other day I was watching True Detective and there was a polar bear on the screen and he charged at the TV growling and barking and I’m like “Hey bud… That thing would devour the shit out of you. You would be a tasty little morsel for a polar bear. Know your size”

Sigh…

But I love him. He’s the bestest boy.

One of our cats has a problem with marking personal items left on the floor, even though she’s fixed. We think it’s partially because she has bad eyesight and so marks stuff so she always knows where it is. It’s usually, but not exclusively, something I or my SO wear or have worn recently:

✔️ My purse
✔️ My jacket. Probably three times
✔️ SO’s backpack
✔️ My backpack that was sitting in the closet unused for several months
✔️ Articles of clothing that didn’t make it into a laundry basket
✔️ The top of the cat tower when we moved it into the living room (trying to assert dominance I guess)
✔️ Rugs (I dunno under what circumstances, she hasn’t marked their replacements. She will re-mark previously marked and washed rugs though)
✔️ Towels that don’t get put up

The solution has more or less been to stop keeping anything important on the floor.

The other cat likes to occasionally pull towels onto the floor so he can use them as temporary bedding or snuggle up against them. You can probably guess what sometimes happens after he leaves them there.