I am a senior software engineer. I refer to my current project as a chain of side quests.
All I wanted was to optimize a batch operation in our system. That needed a feature of a new version of our database. So I upgraded the database. But to utilize this, I needed to use a newer version of the db driver/sdk. The one we use is tightly coupled to the object mapper. So I needed to start upgrading the object mapper first. That is a major version change which breaks a few different spots in our system I then tackled one by one. I am still not done.
And this is why temporary fixes live in production databases for decades.
We had a similar issue with batch management, and the quick & dirty fix was to export the relevant db entries to .csv, run it through a parser, apply the necessary modifications, export to .sql with all new column labels, and then change the front-end to display the value of the new fields only.
Ran that through a cron-job every 5 minutes and done.
End users complained about the “nil” in the field initially right after inputting new data. The quick fix to the quick fix? Set a default value to “calculating, please stand by” instead of nil. They’d be frantically reloading, but never again blame IT.
This is peak Hal_fixing_lightbulb.avi
Gamifying is a great idea that can help a lot of people. Unfortunately, it is also becoming part of some people’s official jobs, which I am not a big fan of.
https://www.theverge.com/2021/3/15/22331502/amazon-warehouse-gamification-program-expand-fc-games
But I like The Wizard.
CALIFORNIA! CALIFORNIA!
What does everyone have going on in their lives that this is a side quest?!
BRB taking ring to Mt. Doom.
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If computers aren’t magic, how come they need wizards to install stuff? 😌
Wizards can make a non-magical wall of earth. The magic was just the force that moved it. So a computer could, in theory, not be magical but be made with magic.
I asked Bing to write a D&D story based on that. Here’s what it came up with.
The party of adventurers had been hired by the king to investigate a mysterious tower that appeared overnight in the middle of the forest. They had heard rumors of a powerful wizard who was experimenting with forbidden magic, and they hoped to find some clues or treasures inside.
They entered the tower cautiously, expecting traps or guards, but they found nothing but empty rooms and dusty books. They reached the top floor, where they saw a large metal sphere with wires and tubes connected to it. In front of the sphere, there was a robed figure with a long beard and a staff, chanting some arcane words.
“Stop right there, wizard!” the fighter shouted, drawing his sword. “You are under arrest for violating the laws of magic and endangering the kingdom!”
The wizard turned around and smiled wickedly. “Too late, fools. I have already completed my masterpiece. Behold, the Chronosphere! With this device, I can manipulate time itself, and rewrite history to my liking. I can undo your pathetic existence, or make you my loyal servants. The choice is yours.”
The wizard pressed a button on the sphere, and a bright flash of light filled the room. The adventurers felt a strange sensation, as if they were being pulled in different directions. They saw visions of their past and future, of alternate realities and possibilities. They heard the wizard’s voice in their heads, taunting them and offering them deals.
“An error occurred. The wizard must be stopped.” a voice said, cutting through the chaos. It sounded like the king, but also like the cleric, and the rogue, and the bard. It was a voice of authority and reason, a voice of hope.
The adventurers realized that they had a chance to fight back. They focused on the voice, and ignored the wizard’s lies. They felt a surge of power, as if they were being guided by a higher force. They reached for their weapons, and charged at the wizard, hoping to destroy the sphere and end his madness.
The wizard saw them coming, and panicked. He tried to activate the sphere again, but it malfunctioned. Sparks flew from the wires, and the sphere began to crack. The wizard screamed, as he realized that he had doomed himself.
The sphere exploded, sending a shockwave of energy across the tower. The adventurers were thrown back, but they survived. They looked around, and saw that the tower was collapsing. They ran for the exit, hoping to escape before it was too late.
They made it outside, and saw that the forest was still there. They breathed a sigh of relief, and thanked the voice that had helped them. They wondered who or what it was, and what had happened to the wizard and his sphere. They decided to report back to the king, and tell him everything.
They had just completed an epic journey, and they had a story to tell.
(Cue the harmonica)
