spaf @spaf

Every vendor booth at RSA this year: Powered by world-class Al with a proprietary language model, our product offers unbelievably agile, next-gen threat intelligence-based risk management in the dark net on a quantum containerized blockchain employing breathtakingly advanced data science. Built to be compatible with your SIEM & cloud, its zero-trust architecture is programmed in a memory-safe language with no supply chain to monitor!

  • @[email protected]
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    1031 month ago

    Literally no supply chain.

    As in, we don’t have a product yet, but we’re working on it!

  • Optional
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    991 month ago

    Hey I know, what if we let Sales set the direction of the company?? They get us money, right? It’s jenius!

    That’ll show those surly waaah-i-wanna-work-from-home engineer people!

    More colored charts! Add AI to the printer toner! I read a business book once!

    • @zik
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      1 month ago

      I once worked for a company which did exactly that - they put the marketing people in charge. It may surprise you to hear that they went from being a large organisation to going bust within a few years.

      • Optional
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        31 month ago

        I’m pretty sure every organization is under some kind of siege by their versions of sales and marketing. In better days those voices get balanced or bested by smarter heads. In worse days, they don’t, marketing takes over and the company is sold for scrap two years later.

  • @[email protected]
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    551 month ago

    its zero-trust architecture is programmed in a memory-safe language with no supply chain to monitor!

    this is good.

    • @Hasherm0n
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      291 month ago

      They’re fully vertically integrated from the silicone through the compiler, os, and all software running.

        • @[email protected]
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          121 month ago

          To be fair smart connected chastity cages did get hacked recently so their owners couldn’t get them off.

          • @Randelung
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            81 month ago

            And some of them did get off on that.

        • @Hasherm0n
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          91 month ago

          Ah shit, serves me right for posting off the cuff…

          Though that is also a thing.

          • Mossy Feathers (They/Them)
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            21 month ago

            Don’t sweat it too much, I think most people struggle with silicon vs silicone. Silicon is the hard stuff used in computer chips, silicone is the soft stuff used in sex toys and boob implants.

            A few mnemonic devices that might help you remember which is which:

            • SiliCON is a semi-CONductor, silicone is not.

            • (expanded version of the previous) SiliCON is very CONventient when used in computers due to its properties as a semi-CONductor.

            • Madonna has silly cones.

            On the last one, I have no idea if Madonna has breast implants or not, and quite frankly I don’t really care. However, I do know that she has/had a fairly infamous outfit that included a cone-shaped bra. As such, the train of thought goes silicone -> silly cone(s) -> Madonna had silly cones -> breasts -> breast implants.

    • @MycelialMass
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      151 month ago

      And it comes with a free gogurt!

      • @MotoAsh
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        111 month ago

        The others make sense if you drop the extra extra buzz words. Like quantum. Containers exist, the block chain exists, I wouldn’t be surprised if some idiot combined those. Though quantum computing … is not related to normal computing.

  • @[email protected]
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    381 month ago

    wow that is an impressively triggering paragraph.

    though I should get spaf to write my résumé

  • slazer2au
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    361 month ago

    Due to your product not being turnkey I am unable to get management buy-in.

    • @Alexstarfire
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      111 month ago

      Well, a brick is technically unhackable.

  • @DerArzt
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    351 month ago

    I would like one security please.

  • @Blue_Morpho
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    241 month ago

    At least “fuzzy logic” is now a long dead buzzword.

    • no banana
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      131 month ago

      Just peachy bleachy!

    • Dojan
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      31 month ago

      Blight?

    • Zombie-Mantis
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      91 month ago

      It’s bullshitese, specifically.

  • @Mango
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    41 month ago

    Nice. I’ll take two.