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I think you need to come out to those people. It’s scary, and in the immediate-term very bad, but after that… you get recognition. Not being recognized as yourself suuuuucks.

facial feminization surgery can be very effective but it costs money (like many quality of life things)

I have some experience in this area. Here is my advice. Get laser for any facial hair. Learn how to do makeup(esp if you are worried about jawline, etc) and dress for your body. Practice yoga and mindfulness. Find a supportive female/trans friend to help you grow and give you criticism on your look.

Are you out to these people? I don’t know how long you’ve been on HRT, or at what age you started, but if you’ve been on HRT a bit there have to have been some changes.

It can be hard for people to notice differences, unless you point them out, and if you’re boymoding then people (not to be too assumptive, but I’m guessing your male friends?) probably won’t pick up on any feminine energy you’re radiating ;).

As for their comments about your weight, I’m so sorry that you have to hear that because it can be so discouraging during tough points in your life. That said, keeping with the assumption thess friends are men, keep in mind that a lot of male socialization revolves around the concept of the “burn,” and they might not be intending to be as hurtful as they are.

Taking my experiences coming out as bisexual (and trans, to some people) into consideration, I believe that people can’t surprise you unless you give them a chance. Some will be as you expected, but you will always be surprised.

I hope your experience gets better soon, much love <3

It fucking blows but, honestly, I just never take off my KN95 mask in public… It seems to mostly keeps me from being misgendered (on top of also just being a good idea, of course). I’m never gonna afford FFS, and because of electrolysis I’m not even allowed to shave for like half of every week, so masks being socially acceptable has been a lifesaver for me in more ways than one. Would that help for you too?

the people who know you are not going to start addressing you differently unless you come out to them and they’re respectful.

From what I remember about your face, you look androgynous at worst, with makeup and styling easily taking you the rest of the way.

Transitioning makes it possible to love yourself, but you still need to dispel the self hatred like everyone else. It’s a struggle for cis people, so of course transition isn’t going to automatically fix that problem. You still need to recognize that your life is worth fighting for. You deserve to be loved, especially by yourself.

We can’t just take a medication to escape our shame. The right hormones will only open the gate, but you must surrender the comforting assumption that you’re inherently a piece of shit. Your appearance is hopeless in your mind, and will remain that way as long as you believe it. Self judgments are not more accurate by virtue of being negative.

I’m not invalidating your fears, but I am invalidating your hate. You don’t deserve it and it does not help you. Critiques made out of love can drive improvement, but not mental self harm.

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