Left
- Name: Sour Joe
- Stats: DEX 5 - STR 3 - INT 10
- Special Attack: Yeast Starter (Deals damage over time. If applied 5 times in 30 secs opponent takes explosive damage.)
Middle
- Name: Gluten Gus
- Stats: DEX 10 - STR 5 - INT 3
- Special Attack: Bloat (This strike slows opponent down by 2% lasts for 10 secs, hits stack.)
Right
- Name: LARRY DA LOAF
- Stats: DEX 1 - STR 20 - INT 1
- Special Attack: Pound Cake (Charge attack, at 50% does double damage and at 100% causes stun for 3 secs.)
Okay we need to make a bread-based fighting game now.
Fear and Loafing
You got it almost right, the game “west of loathing” does have a bread-based class if I remember correctly
Bring the pain!
No Pain No Grain
Guy on the right, look at his sheer confidence!
He’s already won and he knows it.
Obvious choice here. Anyone with bread fighting experience knows size matters.
I pick guy in the middle because he is so done with guy on the right’s shit and I can really relate.
Clearly a spin-off of Bernt
Rock-hard (and indeed contains various rocks such as gravel), never goes stale, and is terribly sustaining. A traveller can go for miles, just knowing there’s dwarf bread in their pack. A traveller can think of just about anything to eat rather than dwarf bread including their own foot and even pumpkins (see Witches Abroad).
Various forms of dwarf bread can be used as weapons, e.g. battle muffins and drop scones. Fine specimens of dwarf bread can be found in the Dwarf Bread Museum, Whirligig Alley, Ankh-Morpork, open to the public whenever volunteers have time (Feet of Clay).
None of those look remotely edible to me.
I bet their livers would be delicious with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Ah, the old Lemmy cannibaloo.
Hold my bread I’m going… wait. There’s no link. Damn.
Too much fat, or gluten. Depends if you got your liver from the front or the back row on that picture.
You aren’t supposed to eat the loaves of bread, you’re supposed to fight to the death with them 🥖
Oh…. Chewing… ah… can… can I get another one? This one’s…. gulp, a little worse for wear.
🍞 Here you go
And now get ready for a pummeling >:3 🥖
En garde! 🥖
🥪 En passant!
🥖😰 tocuhé!
Dang it! I’ll get you next time!
gg wp ilu <3
The one on the left. He has a look in his eye that says “I’ve done morally questionable things at a CIA/MI6 black site”.
Far left appears to have that firm ass, welcome to San Francisco, crisp sourdough crust. Far right is some bread pan, Texas toast make’n, sponge crust.
As always, the left of where the fun is, and the right boring and conservative.
The dude on the right is cheating and only showing the underside of the loaf, bet it’s long, wide, and maybe an inch thick. Edit: Oxford comma
Right one. It weighs more. One massive thump to the head and those other two are history.
Breads of Unusual Size
Drakula baking bread
Vampire assembly - The annual bake-off.
I know the Marvel movies have been going downhill, maybe this is their plan to turn it around. The Breadvengers!
