Email it to me first
So, you want to know how to exact revenge on a coworker who’s been snacking on your lunch, huh ? 😈
I’ll give you two options
Find lice. (YES, live lice.) Roll up a piece of paper like a horn putting the lower end in your mouth, walk by them, blow it on their head, and yell HONK right afterwards. Wait 20 minutes, then sincerely Apologize for that behavior. All the while knowing you don’t give two shits and now this moe foe have a lice infestation 🤣 could get some days off work too in addition.
Lame option but most chosen I suppose,
Find out what their favorite restaurant is and what they love to order from there. Ask them what they obviously don’t want (pretend your buying) dress up the lunch as they desire, and put fake plastic bugs in it. Should get them to shit their pants effectively. While they freak out, yell to them their card keeps declining, hand them the phone, and say “(Your managers name) wants to know why you charged the company credit card 3k for lunch” say nothing else and be on your way.
We bought a 30 pack of the little smelly cards you get at car washes and hid them all over someone’s office, car, computer bag, in files, taped under the phone and behind the monitor, etc. One of those smells very strong. 30 different scents all in a small space makes you a little nauseous.
Any of them smell like actual shit ? Cause that’d be fucking hilarious.
Prepare another lunch as bait and make the ingredients fun, but not illegal.
(I hear powdered Carolina Reapers are very fun. This could be slightly illegal, though.)
Wasabi can really give a nice balance to the reaper.
I use it as a cooling balm actually. It’s so fucking hot down here, Wasabi is just generally the lotion we hand out to new souls in their care packets.
Citric acid could be a nice touch.
Careful, that could cause a chemical burn if too much is used. Malic acid is safer because of the higher PH and it tastes more sour.
when I was stealing lunch it was because I was literally homeless
