Just about everything the article has is in the title.
Reverse clickbait?
Damn you can’t even go in the wilderness without being shot.
Well, the bears do have a right to be armed, after all.
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Gonna take a shot at retelling your joke:
they have the right to bear arms
Please don’t shoot
Bear arms up, don’t shoot.
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Canyon Village isn’t wilderness. Yellowstone isn’t wilderness. No one makes stupid threats in the wilderness.
I once threatened to come up there and fistfight whatever woodland creature threw that acorn at me. I had no clue where it was and I was unwilling to actually do any climbing.
Don’t you try telling me how stupid I can be in the wilderness.
My friend, it’s so stupid it’s looped back around into extremely wise. If you perceive a wildlife threat then the two most effective tactics are:
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Put a rock or tree between you and the threat, then keep it between you.
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Angrily yell at it while waving your arms to appear large (an air horn or a warning shot is a very effective punctuation)
I’ve angrily told off dozens of bears.
THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK! SHOP SMART. SHOP S-MART! YOU ONLY GET ONE SHOT. HIS PAWS ARE SWEATY. DARMOK AND JALAD ON THE OCEAN!
I’m really enjoying the mental image of a woods-based comedy thriller, a scene in which I’m loading my shotgun while trying to strategically placed myself against a rock or tree. Shouting threats and trying to reason with a squirrel or whatever that was in a tree, I fire off my shotgun, sending dozens of terrified birds and arboreous rodents fleeing and dislodging a barrage of various nuts and mast that rain on me.
“It’s an ambush!” I cry out before pumping my own leg full of ricochet shot off of my hiding post.
Dozens, really?
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Why is Yellowstone not wilderness?
In the US a “wilderness” is a large area completely devoid of documented human infrastructure.
Yellowstone’s publicly accessible areas have very well-developed infrastructure. The vast majority of the park is meant to be explored by vehicle on paved roads and by walking paved trails. But, even the dirt trails are so “well maintained” that they’re like a wide dirt sidewalk with an occasional root or rock. There’s non-public areas inside Yellowstone that are almost devoid of infrastructure and maintenance, almost wilderness.
Don’t take Yogi’s pikinik basket.
Or Cocaine Bear’s cocaine.
… wait, has anybody ever seen Cocaine Bear and Yogi in the same room?
When he’s on that stuff he’s unbearable.
Addiction changes you
Yogi’s back, and this time, he’s strapped.
