Do you keep them, destroy/delete them, lock them away? What are you doing with your photos of your old self?
Personally I’m a bit torn. On one hand I want to keep them because they are still memories, on the other hand I never want to see them again. So I will probably lock them away/archive them somewhere.
But what about you?
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In my opinion you should probably box/archive it
I was given a curated book full of them, it was well intentioned and I do appreciate the effort my mum put into it, but making the title “Deadname to Sasha” fucking stings lol
It’s frankly next to impossible for me to look through, lots of dysphoric photos and the photos of me young just make me resentful of having gone through first puberty, my body is so damaged…
It just sits there, but I’ll probably never let anyone look at it including myself
oof, I could imagine my mom doing this to me. I think it would hurt especially for all the ways it would make me feel alienated, as it communicates my mom really doesn’t understand me or my dysphoria (and worse, wouldn’t care about how I feel or how it impacts me, as though the book would be more about her own desires than mine).
That said, I could imagine someday producing my own transition album like that and I could imagine that being powerful, so I think the fact that someone else would make it for me is part of what would bother me.
Yeah it wasn’t really intended as a transition timeline in my case. My mum made a similar book of my older brother’s life (childhood to adulthood) and just kinda also made mine about coming out…
oh wow, that’s maybe even more awkward; did you ever talk to her about how it made you feel?
Nope, and I don’t think I ever will lol
lol, I don’t blame you tbh
I’ve kept them and look at them every now and again to cheer myself up, I like seeing how far I’ve come
Exactly! I look at my pictures from 6 months ago and I look so different already, I can’t wait to make the comparison in a year and more!
I’d go the route of archive and revisit if you feel you can some number of years from now. Most of my friend group growing up hated getting photographed, so I don’t have a huge portfolio. That said now that I am married and have started to have kids it is nice to be able to look at photos with my partner.
One of my close friends I’ve known since grade school had started HRT within the last year or so. Every now and then she sends selfies of where she is at and how far she came from. For her the old pictures appear to be a point of pride, but I can’t say how many she might have gotten rid privately. Not my place to pry.
I still hate a number of photos from when I had less exposure to the world, but a good number of photos are of a happy kid raising geese or playing with their cousins.
From my own experience I’d say I regret deleting/destroying some photos, and past me had been too critical of myself to the point that a lot of memories were never documented. That said some photos are just so opposed to who I am now that they did not justify being preserved any longer.
can’t worry about old photos if you never let anyone take photos of you
hecc you, past me >:3
Yes, archiving them somewhere. I think this is highly individual. For me, right now, I feel like there can be catharsis looking back at those old photos. When I was first transitioning, especially a few months into HRT, it was a major confirmation for me that looking at old photos of me and comparing them to how I looked now I could distinctly tell the old photos were not “me”, that I couldn’t recognize them as myself in the photo, it looks like a stranger (even though I felt not all that much had changed, merely the presence of a denial / neglect beard and masculine clothes, etc. in those old photos were enough to create that distance).
I wouldn’t want anyone else to have photos of me, though. I think I would want to control when and under what circumstances I come across them. (That has always been true, but now I feel more justified in that position, whereas before I think people just thought it was something unusual or unhealthy about me.)
They stop stinging after a while. I mean, you might never feel great about them, but for me at least, the urge to burn them in a fire went away after a few years. Now, I don’t bring them up for no reason, but if it’s relevant, I’m happy to bring out an old photo of me pre transition
Which is to say, keep them. You can’t unthrow them away later. But you can simply never look at them again, even if you keep them
Use them for transition timelines to make girls envy me
I plan on making a before & after post and title it, “What going on E does to a mfer.” Or, “E, not even once,” like it’s a '90s drug PSA.
I wanna have fun with this.
Occasionally I get jump scared by them when Google Photos is like “remember when you were an ugly boy?” and feel dysphoric over it. But when I control when/who sees the photos, I’m pretty fine with it at this point. He doesn’t even really look like me, to quote an ex I awkwardly ran into and hadn’t yet come out to, I “look like a woman that sort of resembles [boy me]”.
I mainly put them somewhere I can’t find them.
i just dont let people take photos of me :3
I was recently home and I put a sharpie censor bar across my chest in an old photo that was on my parents fridge. Other than that I try not to interact much with them.
I’ve been trying to decide that myself. Even though my first thought is, “That’s not me,” when I see my old photos, I feel I should leave them out there for people/world to see. Part of it is not wanting to feel like I’m hiding my past and the other part is to maybe help others realize they can do this, too. And/or show my less open-minded friends and family that transitioning isn’t a bad thing.
Idk how successful I’ll be with that last one, but I feel I should at least try.You can always destroy them later, but you can’t recover them.
