• Ellia Plissken
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    fedilink
    English
    627 days ago

    “sorry I was driving so fast, officer, your wife offered to show me her tits and I couldn’t get away fast enough”

  • @Death_Equity
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    427 days ago

    “I swear, there is only one body in this vehicle.”

    Technically correct if you are the only person(living or not) in the car, but the phrasing just leads to further questions and a greater delay.

  • @Death_Equity
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    427 days ago

    “Hello there, license and proof of insurance please?”

    “There are no drugs in this vehicle, that you will find.”

  • Rhynoplaz
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    327 days ago

    The other day we were playing a game (Quiplash, if anyone is familiar) and the prompt was: Three words that will get you out of a speeding ticket.

    My eleven year old daughter submitted: I suck toes.

    How worried should I be? 😬

    • @Death_Equity
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      327 days ago

      Parenting is hard.

      Don’t kink shame, but it is early for her to explore such interests.

  • ThePowerOfGeek
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    327 days ago

    Sorry occifer, I just need to get home before my beer gets too warm.

  • @Spiralvortexisalie
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    327 days ago

    I’ll bip your bop if you let me play with your shooter Mr. Officer.