" The excess funds initially allocated for the purchase will be reinvested into our philanthropic efforts that include business school scholarships for promising cult leaders, a charity that donates elections to at-risk third world dictators, and a new pro bono program pairing orphans with stable factory jobs at no cost to the factories."

This article is great top to bottom but ‘at-risk dictators’ made me cackle

We’ve been joking that reality is so absurd that the Onion is just a news site now…

The Onion isn’t news.
What’s this doing here?

Edit: OH! The Onion actually, really, genuinely, bought InfoWars! OK I get it.

“the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name)”

Is it part of the joke that the logo for “Global Tetrahedron” is actually a dodecahedron?

Can’t wait for Leon Musk to eat that candy bar.