So I was thinking about how absolutely terrible this planet is right now. And now the republicans control everything. It’s going to get soooooo much worse.

And as I thought about ways to make life better, I hit a roadblock. Every idea I had went like this:

“Oh, we could start doing this, and then this and this would be like this…oh…but then republicans will just do that and that and that, and the whole thing is ruined.”

And now repeat that same formula for every idea I came up with. So I came to a new conclusion. If we’re going to beat them, we’re going to have to beat them at their own game.

We’re going to have to take their ideas, that we KNOW are bad ideas, and do them waaaaaaaaaay farther than they intended. We’re going to have to start doing things we know will turn America into a third world country.

We’re going to have to do things that make evdn republicans say “wait, no…thats TOO much!!!”

Now back in the 60s, corporate america tried painting hippies as some evil menace to society who contributes nothjng to their community, while being leeches.

So I say, we go full force the opposite way. We go out into the streets with bats and chains, and grab old ladies, and beat them until they add $40,000 worth of goods to their cart on amazon.

They want us to spend spend spend, well we will pick one company, one evil company that does not give two shits about the planet or humans, and we FORCE people to spend 3X their life savings, and go into debt, and we go into debt too, and this one company has 100% of the nations total economy. I nominate nestle. They clearly don’t give a fuck.

Now ladies, you’ve seen how republicans want to take away your right to an abortion. So lets go the other direction HARD. Instead of fighting for abortions, women will now rape men. I want to see swarms of women hunting the streets, and seeking out semen to have more babies than would ever even be feasible. We’re going to get the scientists together on this. It’s technically possible to get pregnant with 6 kids at once. It’s highly rare, but it does happen. Like 0.000001% chance. We’re going to make that 100% chance. Every pregnancy will now result in a minimum of 6 kids, every 9 months. And the day you can walk again, you’re getting pregnant again with another 6 kids. We’ll start impregnating women at 12 years old, and not stop until they die…which based on how worn their bodies will be, might be as early as 23. I want to see each woman pumping out hundreds of kids in her lifetime.

And if a man tries to refuse to have sex, or can’t produce semen for any reason, we chop off his dick! No recreational sex. Sex is to happen all day every day with every not-pregnant woman. Every man will have hundreds of kids he’s never met, and had to pay child support on.

Now all these kids will create a new industry for things like childcare, and clothing and healthcare…none of which we’ll spend a dime on. Remember, only nestle. All hail nestle!

So all these kids will be hungry, and dirty, and diseased, and probably in pain. That’s how they’ll grow up. And they’ll repeat the process too!

Murder is now legal. Go nuts!

Now as far as global warming goes, lets make everybody homeless, and every building burned. Lets burn our homes. Lets burn everybodies homes. Lets burn the businesses, the city hall, the airports, the oil refineries. Lets burn everything. Set the whole country on fire.

Now this country faces a gun problem, and that gun problem is there simply isn’t enough guns. We need to have every American with no less that 56 guns. EVERY American. Old Americans, young Americans, toddlers, the blind, every single person should have all the guns.

Lets solve the illegal alien border crossing problem by making Mexico with its cartel crime ruled landscape seem like a paradise. Make Americans the illegal aliens in Mexico.

No more dogs. Dogs are banned in America. I don’t want them suffering in this land we’re going to create. Canada, you’re going to get some dogs.

We’re bringing back slavery. Not just black people this time, but ALL Americans. We’re all slaves now. Being whipped by nestle.

And hey, we’re always open to new ways to destroy our country. We’ll have a suggestion box.

How does this help fix the republican problem? Oh, fuck…welp. Too late now.