Years ago I read a reddit thread saying you shouldn’t pursue friendships or relationships at your workplace. Then I again see all over the places over the internet that friendships don’t happen a lot after you become working adult and that they’re struggling make new friends. My question is If you don’t purse friendships, how would those happen?
Want to know about the thoughts of people over here.
You must log in or register to comment.
It’s not that I don’t like my coworkers, and I do spend some time with them, but I preemptively block them on Facebook to have some safety. I do have them on Instagram but that’s 99% pictures of my dogs or maybe vacation so that’s harmless, with the odd goofy meme thrown in for good measure. But I do not add them anywhere I might express a political opinion or share something overly personal. (I also use filters on Facebook the odd time I do this). Someone once took a post of mine out of context and took it to my manager who met with me about it and scolded me with threats of discipline even though it actually had nothing to do with work, because this woman was in very deep shit for something else and trying to divert attention to other staff, because she’s like that.
Also a couple of my coworkers are sort of passive antivaxxers (in that they got the two doses mandated for work but spend time telling us about how the vaccine doesn’t work and we shouldn’t be forced, etc), so they are blocked everywhere and I share very little with them at work besides brief remarks. I have also had some bad days in the last year where I have simply said things at home are tough because I’m obviously not myself, but didn’t share what. I just keep a healthy distance but am reasonably friendly.
Yeah. You’re not going to be friends with everyone from work and over sharing with some people can be a significant problem. You’ve definitely got to pick the people you want to be friends with.
My wife was my former coworker, and I couldn’t be happier. Do what makes you happy - random internet strangers should have little to no input on your life decisions.
Some of my best and closest friends were former colleagues, men and women. Just happened naturally. Other coworkers were very close during the work, but then drifted apart immediately when the work ended for whatever reason.
But, don’t have a candy dish, don’t be too inviting, don’t be known as someone who listens to gossip. That’s an important boundary to set.
Misery loves company. If anyone reading this has a “friendship” with a coworker based solely on bitching about the job or other coworkers, it’s a liability not a friendship.
There’s a difference between work friends and real friends. The rule I follow is that they get to be real friends only after they or I leave. You don’t want them to know too much for your own good.
I don’t pursue friendships. I let them happen. “How would those happen?” They don’t happen.
I’ve made friendships that have survived leaving the workplace that I met them and I’m happy that I did it.
I’ve also worked at places where there was nobody that I could really make friends with, so I didn’t pursue any lasting friendship.
I’m not going to go out of my way to make every coworker a friend, but I feel like freezing everyone out limits the number of people with whom you can become friends.
Same, if you like someone you work with being friends is cool. If not that’s fine too. I’ve always had a much better time at jobs where I was friends with a few of my coworkers. Currently I don’t work with anyone I have any interest in knowing personally and it definitely contributes to the job sucking.
Of course you should - make friends with whoever you like! I’ve made friends with colleagues and am still friends with them years after I left.
The only reason I can think of not to is if you or they are loads of drama and you don’t want to bothered by it at work.
People are people wherever you meet them.
The other downside is the situation I’m in. I made friends with a bunch of coworkers, then I got promoted to be their boss. Makes for a very strange power dynamic, where I have to code stitch between boss mode and friend mode.
Plus, I’ve had to fire people who I’ve been friends with for years. That fucking sucks.
I turned down a promotion this year for several reasons, one being that i didn’t want to supervise my friends. I didn’t want the awkwardness, and i was afraid my imposter syndrome would get much worse. My friends know too much, haha
So (in my opinion) you need to first be very clear about your goal… You shouldn’t just DO or NOT DO anything really - YOU are the variable that needs to be accounted for.
If you are younger or desperate for social interactions/ friendships, and depending on the type of job, you can often make great friends at/through work. So if that is your priority, this is an opportunity.
But, work friendships come with professional risk. Your managers aren’t your friends, that dynamic will betray you if push comes to shove AND that thing you do/say at that party will be considered in your performance review and/or reported to HR. So, if career it your priority, then be pleasant, but leave it at “work friends” no genuine attachments.
But not all work relationships are between managers and direct reports. It would take a lot for me to become a friend with a manager or direct report outside of work. However, it is a lot easier if it is a coworker or someone in a different department.
I’m not speaking exclusively of relationships with managers. It’s all “dangerous” on that side. I say avoid the risk if your social relationships outside of work are otherwise satisfactory. Again, if social connecting becomes your top priority over career, you can push boundaries at work, otherwise I’d say find an excuse to not go out for drinks and generally stay in the “middle” area where people speak about you in vague, but pleasant, terms… Then go home and live your REAL life with close friends, romantic partners and family who actually care for you.
Really, your work ultimately doesn’t give a SHIT about you. Everyone would still be expected to clock in tomorrow if you dropped dead tonight. Take the hint and invest the BARE MINIMUM in work.
If work is so shitty, then why not have a friend too commiserate with at work?
If my coworkers are such horrible people because they work at the company I work at, what does that say about me?
To first half, nobody is stopping you if that’s your priority, Brad…
And second half seems to be a false premise you just supposed entirely from your asshole?
Night night now.
I’m replying because the premise of the discussion is for the person asking the question to others if making friends from work is bad. Yes, no one is stopping me, but a third person is asking for the pros and cons and I’m responding to give that person context.
And the second part is based on how you are viewing the relationship of different people in the organization. Yes, the senior leadership sees you as a replaceable cog, but people work together with other replaceable cogs. The way you’re discussing it, it sounds like you’re taking the views of senior management and saying all the employees will act and think the same way as senior management. Which is why I brought you up; you’re a cog just the rest of them. If you’re going to assume the rest of the cogs are going to act that way, what makes you so special in that you are the only one who acts differently?
The vast majority of work friends don’t become real friends. Just ask anyone who got fired or laid off how many of their work friends called to check in after they’ve left the company.
It’s not that you shouldn’t pursue friendship on the job it’s just that you shouldn’t invest too much in it or expect a lot from those friendships. A true friend is someone you can call in the middle of the night for help and they will drop whatever they are doing without a second thought. If you can’t do that with a work friend they are at most an acquaintance+. Of course there might be one or two colleagues who might become a true friend so don’t give up on making friends in the work place but keep your expectations low.
You can make friends at the workplace. It’s making relationships at the workplace is tricky waters. You don’t want to break up with someone where you’ll have to see them everyday.
It’s a little confusing because IMO both of these things are true at the same time: it’s good to make friends at work, but by default your coworkers are not your friends.
But that’s really just poor wording.
Having a friend or three at work is wonderful. It can make a shit job tolerable and a decent job fantastic.
Just choose wisely, take your time, and don’t be too trusting too soon. And don’t reveal too much personal information to coworkers that you don’t know well and trust yet. Some of them will use that info against you. Ambitious psychopaths can be very charming.
We’re ambitious sociopaths, thankyouverymuch.
For real you’ve got to keep it tight until you really know someone. Don’t go telling everyone you smoke weed or something like that. You could do something completely innocent, someone takes it personally, and next thing you know you’re up for a random drug test.
But yeah one of the best friends I’ve ever had is my sometimes coworker.
Same. A former coworker and I were in two different bands together, and we’ve stayed in touch over many years. And I’m pretty tight with 2 of my current coworkers, and friendly-chatty with a third.
But I keep everyone else on a low information diet. Especially my boss. He loves to use people’s hobbies, personality quirks, etc, against them. Almost anything that isn’t “working hard like a professional” is seen as some kind of weakness by that idiot. His only real hobby is ‘craft beer’…because of course it is. (Not meant as a slam against people into beer, but my boss thinks that’s an entire personality).
You’re spending 40 hours a week with them, why wouldn’t you want to have someone to shoot the shit with, or have a lunch buddy etc?
Work friends are great. When you’re bored af, and just want to open your mouth and let your neurons fire random bullshit straight to your larynx, who else are you going to giggle with?
You do whatever you want.
Just don’t be stupid.
I have a personal rule that states I’m there to work, not make friends.
This does not mean I’m openly trying to be hostile or rude towards people but I will hardly consider a work acquaintance any more than that.
