OTTAWA - After disgraced professor and beef enthusiast Jordan Peterson announced yesterday that he had moved to Florida due to the Canadian government’s allegedly woke fascist policies, Justin Trudeau immediately issued a statement saying that his 2025 election campaign slogan will be “I Got Jordan Peterson to Leave.”

“I realize that my popularity has been declining in the polls recently,” explained the prime minister, wearing a hat depicting Peterson’s crying face and the words “Bye, Bitch,” on it, “but I think we can all appreciate that it was my government and my policies that triggered Jordan enough that he had to run away to a country that is kinder to suspected Russian assets.”

  • Rentlar
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    555 days ago

    This is a great day for Canada, and therefore, the world.

  • Maple Engineer
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    305 days ago

    Peterson is a fetid sack of pustulant assholes. This is a definite win for Canada.

  • @njm1314
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    135 days ago

    That would be a strong argument

  • @expatriado
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    135 days ago

    vote for the turd, get all the flies

  • @[email protected]
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    -145 days ago

    I think I’m OOTL on Jordan Petersen hate. Didn’t he just tell people to clean up their room and go insane or something? Did he do something else? I feel like he hasn’t been relevant in like 10 years, I had no idea he was still in people’s minds.

    • @[email protected]
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      215 days ago

      This comment is in every single thread. Always.

      Do you guys work off the same notes or what.

      • @BetaBlake
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        124 days ago

        It’s literally the same comment people have been making about Peterson for almost 10 years now. It’s pretty wild, and laughable that they expect us to think they’re “ootl”

    • @captainlezbian
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      115 days ago

      He went insane as part of dark academia. Unfortunately for him academia is defined by its enlightenment