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Speaking as a middle aged cishet white dude who only knows some basic HTML:
Honestly same
I help fill the quota of transfems with thinkpads at tech parties :3
Min 20% transwomen and 20% furries. Overlap acceptable.
Im not personally a furry, I am a catgirl tho :3
Furry LiteTM
Im a furry but replace the fursuit with catears, and replace everything non cat with cats, also :3
Close enough
Heaven forbid someone be attracted to a member of a different race.
That’s okay, but when it’s quite clearly fetishization, it’s shallow and dehumanizing.
How does one tell the difference between someone who’s legitimately more attracted versus someone fetishizing them?
Fetishization is a form of objectification. When you stop seeing a human as a person and just as an object for your own attraction and lust, you’re fetishizing them.
Right but how do you tell how someone sees other people unless they actually say it out loud? Don’t get me wrong, there are loads of white guys like this (especially on the internet) but you can’t infer someone is like this just from their dating history.
I think it’s especially an issue in tech because the demographics are already heavily skewed male (and white, Asian, or South Asian) and for some reason women in tech are much less likely to be white (more tolerance for awkwardness?)!
Usually these people will give it away through an accumulation of subtler behaviors, or they just kinda out-right say so.
These things are often subtle. Noticing the many ways they never really talk about/to you in any other way than that one aspect of you they fetishize. In this post there is the dating history, how she is just there, quietly, on his arm, because he isn’t actually doing anything to interact with her outside of her being there to be his asian woman. You may say that it is her responsibility to socialize, and that can be true, but more often than not this is a learned behavior. They have come to understand he doesn’t really want them being anything but his arm candy, and has a history of making things bad if she does otherwise.
A lot of this easily deniable, which is why so many people fall into it. A lot of abuse, and objectification, isn’t going “hey, you are my asian fuck doll, don’t try to have autonomy”. Much like how racism can be expressed in a bunch of much more subtle ways, like women taking direct hold of their purse when a black man walks on the elevator, but the strange white men didn’t illicit the same response. It could just be a shift of position, or a million other things that aren’t racism. However, when you are a black man, and see it happen every time this situation comes up, you realize it is a response to you, and what makes you different from those she was around to that point is? You are black. Hell, people might not even be aware they are doing it.
There are some people that make it clear though, for reference see the incel community obsession with asian women.
That’s pretty creepy, though I will say when I’m in public I tend to be pretty quiet. I’m only talkative around people I know. So I’ve definitely been that guy just sitting there quietly with my girlfriend.
Though usually I just keep looking at her like “when can we get outta here?”
Well, the boyfriend, in this example, would be socializing. Just expecting her to be there as an accessory
but yeah it is awkward to see
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I’m trying to answer honestly and I don’t know how to explain this through the internet. You’re not the only person whose asked this. And Ive explained this to a personal friend (who is white) why his comments weren’t flirting, but really creepy. So I hope this provide some clarity.
There’s just cues that the person drops that are clear indicators that the person is a asiaphile at the creepiest level.
I work in tech, I’m a POC, I have lots of friends and family who are also POC, and we share things. We’ve all had some experience where we’re in a room and some creepy (can be male or female) person just hits those notes. Where they see me, and rather talk about me as a person, go straight into my skin color, family background, ethnicity, how I look like thirst-trap person that they jerk off too, etc.
Is it bad to be someone’s fetish? Depends on how lonely/horny you are. Often, it’s creepy. Because they don’t see you as a person but rather as a object. That’s just me. Maybe both parties like being each other’s fetish - mutual fetishism. I dunno.
Maybe Ask your friend group/circle of people. Like when you ask women if they can spot a creep, and they point out very specific elements that separately, are meaningless. But when the creep hits all those targets, it’s a sign to leave the room.
Also, it depends on a lot of things. Your party of the world might have different takes on what is creepy fetishism. And as an American, I can’t speak for that side of things.
, how I look like thirst-trap person that they jerk off too,
I mean I’m not surprised because I’m a man and some men are drastically stupider than other men but what the fuck?! Who brings this up in a casual conversation?!
Im being edge-y and they don’t say those words. But the implication is there.
Borderline: “You look like Lucy Liu! I loved her in Charlie’s Angels.”
Real creep: “Mindy Kaling is HOT with a capital T! Easily the best girl in the Office.”
As a dude, I’ve had creepy women compare me to actors who are skin colored like me. They’re not licking their lips like I’m a piece of meat, but it’s a start of “Okay was that a compliment or a start of your fetishizing?”
As a white dude this is another example of the world I will never get to experience lol
Go to a non white majority county, and you’ll probably see some of this.
This is one of those things that’s really hard to explain to anyone that isn’t a minority, but I think you did a really good job conveying the nuance of it. I, as a white man, would likely never know about this side of human interactions if I wasn’t gay. And it’s not just with people fetishizing you. People will be similarly underhanded with their hatefulness too. People do these little micro-expressions that, when looked at as one odd expression, can be explained away. But, when you are the person these expressions are regularly directed towards, and it’s the same person consistently being weird towards you, you start to see trends. Sometimes you can pickup on these trends right away, with new people. Because it’s a fully intuition-based thing rooted in years of spotting these trends, it can be hard even explaining it to ourselves sometimes… Like, “why am I getting a weird vibe from this person?”. Then they say one of the common things these people say and you’re like “ooooohhhh… Next!” Lol.
It can also just be projection, watch out for that.
I’ve certainly projected my “I know what that facial expression means”/“I know why you said it like that” onto someone when it was really my own insecurities or assumptions.
If you’re looking for a trend, you’ll find it.
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How do you tell anyone’s true intentions regarding anything?
If that’s the only difference, then I do it poorly.
This is veering into classic neck beard territory very quickly.
Depends on whether or not they’re willing to date non-asians too.
How does one tell the difference between someone who’s legitimately more attracted versus someone fetishizing them?
Oh you didn’t know? NιƙƙιDιɱҽʂ decides and will be sure to let you know.
Edit: It’s true! It’s on page 6 of the Book of Blowhard, 16th edition.
Rent free
Says the person taking the time to reply.
Another Lemmy thread where people get weirdly defensive…
As a white guy in tech, yes.
The first time I heard about yellow fever I was really confused what a commonly Central American illness had to do with dating.
Partly because I’ve literally never seen a yellow Asian.
I have seen a yellow Hispanic though. They had jaundice.
I once saw a nerdy Taiwanese (Chinese) SWE and his smoking hot white girl wife and I gave him a fist bump. Bro is doing the impossible.
The Bruce Lee. He probably talks about water a lot.
He’s just passing up on all those white chicks.
Just started watching Reservation Dogs and now I’m thinking of this episode-
Such a good show. That episode made me so uncomfortable ugh
Ok do me do me…my turn!
Me: Mexican dude
The last 6 women I’ve dated:
- Mexican
- Japanese
- White
- Cambodian
- Chinese
- Vietnamese (married to her)
Sounds like you’ve been done several times already, calm down and take a breather friend.
I’m going to say the common thread is that they’re all women, so let me go out on a limb here
he pretends his yellow fever is actually an interest in japanese urbanism
Okay, but I would argue it can be both.
Excuse me, I’ll have you know that my first wife was the most basic white woman in the history of white women.
Is it yellow fever if you also have various other variants that attract you to multiple different races?
I dont even understand what this means
Hot girls be hot, regardless of skin tone. I assume the same is true for men.
This is the basis of the American melting pot! It needs to be heard!
If I find the race based phenotypes of multiple races very arousing ( ex, Asian women because of their monolids, black women because of their melanin, white women for their paleness and freckles, etc etc) does it still count as yellow fever, because it comes accompanied by other attractions based on race too, instead of only lusting after that one race.
Finding a specific aspect of someone’s appearance attractive, and fetishization, are not the same. A normal person could find melanin attractive, and be fine. When they are eschewing any interest in the person other than them having dark skin, you are fetishizing them. The person in this comment is pointing out how this fictional guy only dates asian women, and brings her around to be shown, rather than to enjoy the experience with in a deep way.
So yellow fever (and other terms) only counts if it’s fetishisation and not attraction?
Correct, it is a pejorative used in two ways, either people racist against asians claiming anyone who isn’t asian dating an asian, has yellow fever, or that person in fetishizing them. Just being attracted to a person is not the same thing.
this applies to other ethnic groups, hair colors, and many other things.
PUSSYFLUENZA
I got it bad bro, so many strains 🥵
I am still confused but i am asexual so ill just chalk it up to that and move on and be curious about something else
“Straight people be wild”
Well for me its allos. but yeah similar sentiment i guess.
You can’t not fit in stereotypes, it’s the Law! And if one type doesn’t do it for you, you’re clearly a -phobe or racist. Obviously.
you’re clearly a -phobe or racist
Sure, you want to believe it’s bullshit. But then you get to Stanford and find out “The Bell Curve” is required reading in your social circle.
It remains a rigorous and statistically valid study. I wish they’d excluded the race-based portion of the study because it’s so ideologically toxic, but their primary point was that society was becoming increasingly biased in favour of individuals with higher IQ or “G” quotients, and that this should concern us as it could lead to further wealth polarisation along this axis. At no point is the claim made that IQ is a measure of human worth, or a complete accounting of intelligence - just that this measurement seemed to be correlated with better life outcomes. I really wish they’d left the study at non-Hispanic whites because that’s a pretty important observation and something we should consider as a society. E.g. if a perfect “meritocracy” were instantiated in terms of economic rewards, that would be far from ideal if it meant throwing everybody else to the wolves just because they’re less economically productive in that model.
The concept of IQ as a crude basic tool for evaluating severe mental injury or illness was perverted into a theory of social hierarchy that is only “proved” in hindsight.
At no point is the claim made that IQ is a measure of human worth, or a complete accounting of intelligence
That’s a bald faced lie. Tons of eugenic theory revolves around the alleged primacy of intelligence as measured through IQ. The Mensa Club admits based on IQ. Employers can and do make hiring decisions based on IQ and similar exams. “Bell Curve” is exhaustively referenced as the legitimizing theory for these policies.
I’m aware, but the study itself makes no moral claims.
The study was produced by an individual who has made numerous moral claims outside of his writing and cited as motivation for moral crusades by his friends and political allies.
Try to keep an open mind. Merry Christmas.
If you have dated exclusively Asian women, but profess to feel attraction to other races, then it’s de facto yellow fever.
my yellow fever is actually an interest in more attractive women 😮
I don’t think it’s “yellow fever.” I think there are power dynamics at play that both sides are happy to participate in.
Yikes…
What’s yikes? Too real for most of Lemmy apparently — mostly in white dude, Asian girl relationships.
Why don’t you explain it in plain English. Right now you are skirting around the edges of a point. Most people are assuming that point is something yikesey, but I for one want to hear you explain what it actually is.
